How to give feedback that lands | Renee St Jacques

**Modupe Akinola** (0:00)
Many of you know that I study stress and the different contexts where stressors show up. I've been doing this long enough to know what really stresses me out. And one of those things is giving feedback. Don't get me wrong, receiving feedback isn't always a walk in the park either. When you're waiting to hear about how something is going or how you're performing, you never know what's coming your way.
But still, I do have a harder time giving feedback. It's such a tough balance to strike. How can you be honest but still motivating? How can you be firm but also understanding? It's hard to override the feeling of wanting to be liked. And it's hard to deliver candid feedback without feeling like you're hurting someone's feelings.
I'm Modupe Akinola. This is TED Business, a podcast from TED. Our speaker today, executive coach Renee St Jacques, says that strong feedback is the product of strong emotional intelligence. EQ isn't just the stuff of fluff. It's a real determinant of workplace profitability. And when it comes to crafting careful feedback, she recommends throwing out the stale feedback sandwich and replacing it with the three Cs. Then after the talk, I'll discuss my approach to giving feedback. But first, a quick break.
And now, Renee St Jacques takes the TED stage.

**Renee St Jacques** (1:37)
A few years ago, I found myself individually coaching both a manager and an employee at the same time. The employee was super confident she'd get promoted, whereas the manager privately shared with me that she had no plans to do so. Why the disconnect? The manager admitted using the feedback sandwich technique, which is praise, feedback, then praise again, embedding that critical feedback in the praise, leading to expectations.
Despite the manager's good intentions, the impact was damaging. There was burnout for the manager for overcompensating. There was a breakdown in trust for the employee, and ultimately, unachieved goals for the organization.
Having coached hundreds of leaders, this is just one of many examples that I've encountered, where low emotional intelligence, EQ for short, leads to low results. And that's no surprise given the decades of research that show that EQ can boost profitability.
My fascination with human behavior started at an early age, where amidst family dysfunction, I witnessed firsthand how low EQ can leave a negative legacy. And now, as a psychologist, as an executive coach, I'm passionate about drawing from my unique corporate and counseling background to bridge theory and practice when it comes to teams. Managers, I see you. With the pressure to meet bottom line goals, you often have to do more with less. But what got you here? Excelling as an individual contributor, doing things yourself, won't get you success as a manager. As a leader, your impact is measured by what you achieve through your team. But let's be honest, increasing the intrinsic motivation and accountability of your team isn't always easy, especially when there's resistance or a breakdown in trust.
How do you drive results by unlocking the leadership potential of every team member, no matter their title? I believe it begins by elevating your emotional intelligence with three key skills. Connect, correct and cultivate. These three Cs make up a research back framework called Leadership Activated that I've developed to help leaders practically build trust, guide behavior and foster growth. The first C is connect.
An executive once asked me to repurpose her session time to coach a seasoned employee of hers whose performance was declining. But as soon as I got into session, I knew, she didn't need coaching on her external skills. She needed coaching to really uncover the internal factors influencing her performance. Connection is what unlocks high performance because it creates psychological safety, a key driver to team success, where individuals feel freedom to communicate without fear. Research also shows that the number one factor to job satisfaction is not our pay but how valued and appreciated we feel.
Sometimes we have to go slow to go fast, and trust is an accelerator to business results. And we build trust when we take the time to connect.
What would it look like for this manager to connect? Because I see a lot of managers push without connection. And what happens is that the behavior gets worse, because correction without connection feels like rejection.
Connection is what separates our work from our worth. It's about valuing people, not just for what they do, but who they are.
The best practice here is when you use a tone of curiosity, you can say something like, I want you to know it's safe to share. Or use open-ended questions like, can you help me understand? Or use phrases like, I see you. I hear you. That's hard. All while paraphrasing back to make the employee feel heard. And when we do, the magic here is that we uncover the root issue. Maybe it's imposter syndrome. Maybe it's a personal issue at play. What makes them feel valued? What motivates them? All without fixing, lecturing or using the information against them in any way. It's about talking with them, not at them. And sometimes we find what is part of it contributing to this resistance. It's actually us. Lean in to that insight. It's a gift.