How To Find The Love Of Your Life - Ty Tashiro - #926

**Chris Williamson** (0:00)
I hear that I've got you on to creatine and protein powders.

**Ty Tashiro** (0:04)
Life-changing. I got to say, I listened to an episode of yours about a year ago with Peter Attia, and the two of you got me on creatine, got me on protein powder, and I have never, I mean, it's the best shape I've been in in decades.

**Chris Williamson** (0:21)
Let's go.

**Ty Tashiro** (0:23)
Yeah. I'm not the same level you guys are at, but for my modest goals, it's been really tremendous, so I appreciate that.

**Chris Williamson** (0:33)
Think about how many better relationship outcomes are downstream from you being a bit more jacked over the last 12 months, from me and Peter talking shit about how good creatine and protein powder is. The world is interconnected, Ty, everything is this big mess. Look, dude, I hope that you've had your creatine this morning because I've fallen in love with your work. Dr. Shannon Curry a couple of weeks ago introduced me to you, and I think your stuff is so great.
This real evidence-based, science-backed look at relationships, attachment, love, what it is, what predicts effectiveness, red flags, green flags. I want to do a real full run-through today.

**Ty Tashiro** (1:13)
Great. Looking forward to it.

**Chris Williamson** (1:14)
Awesome. Okay. Happily ever after. How come it's so hard to find?

**Ty Tashiro** (1:22)
This is a long story. It gets a little depressing. I promise people have a better story as we go along here. But the two things people really want when they sit down and think about it, is they want a relationship that's happy. I think that's the more obvious thing. But they can forget that, hey, we also want something that's going to be stable and last. You don't want to have something that flames out after two or three years. Happily ever after actually is a phrase that captures that well. If you look at the data on that, happily ever after is really elusive for modern love. I think a lot of people are familiar with the divorce statistics, but let me break that down with a little bit more detail. The divorce rate for first marriages is somewhere between 41 and 43 percent. It's obviously pretty high. You would think maybe in a second marriage, your divorce risk goes down because you learned a couple of things. Actually, not the case. It goes up 10 percent for second marriages.
It goes up 15 percent for third marriages. If you average all these numbers together, the divorce risk is about 50 percent. Now, also part of that is the happy part. Some couples stay together, but they're really chronically unhappy. If you use the most modest estimate possible, that's going to be about 8 percent of 8 to 10 percent of couples. Now, we're up to 63 percent, or 60 percent, I'm sorry. Happily ever after, yes, is really hard to find. I think it's harder than ever in the modern dating environment that we have.

**Chris Williamson** (3:04)
Okay. That's a very depressing way to begin a conversation about love. Yeah. Look, it seems to me that I'd be interested to get your thoughts on this too. As fun as reading Sex at Dawn was, I don't think it's accurate. It seems to me that humans are serially monogamous or monogamish, something like that, working on between 2 to 7, 10 year cycles with partners, getting infants to the stage where they're able to remotely fend for themselves. What's your perspective anthropologically here?

**Ty Tashiro** (3:41)
Yeah. I think that's about right. It gets confusing with some of this evolutionary psychology theory because it could be true, for example. Let's say that we're not designed to be as monogamous as we are in modern society, but we have all these social constraints. We have financial commitments attached to marriage. We have kids attached to it who are dependent on their parents for longer than ever, maybe in human history.
Any reasonable person then who has some degree of willpower is going to be able to fight some of these tendencies or biological pushes to craft the life that they want. Now, I think the value of something like Sex at Dawn is to say, hey, maybe I have some of these base urges, and when I feel those pop up, I know what those are, but now let's develop a plan to deal with that, so I don't burn down the rest of my life.

**Chris Williamson** (4:36)
Dude, the best story around this, David Buss wrote The Evolution of Desire, and he's telling me this story. This guy reached out to him and said, I wanted to thank you because your book saved my marriage. David said, it's interesting what happened. He said, well, I've been happily married to my wife for a decade or so, and everything's really great, and I do love her, but I found myself getting attracted to other women. I'd see an attractive woman walk down the street, and I'd think, wow, she's hot.