How to Deal With People Who Don’t Believe in You

**Jake Humphrey** (0:03)
Hi there, welcome along to today's episode of High Performance with Myself and Damian Hughes. This is one of our regular get togethers where we delve into some of the previous conversations we've had on the show.
And we try and tackle a topic that we know is something that a lot of people struggle with today, how to deal with people who don't believe in you. So we're going to start today with a question, Damian, like think of the person in your life who doubted you the most. Not someone who was like necessarily negative or draining, specifically someone who didn't believe that you were capable of what you were attempting. And I'd love to know what you did with that because in over 300, 400 conversations on this show, what we find is that the people who got the furthest are almost always the ones who were doubted the most. So if I talk to you about someone who doubted that you could do what you dreamed of doing, who would that person be?

**Damian Hughes** (0:53)
It was an old boss. So when I decided that I was going to leave the corporate world, I remember them sat down and sort of pointing out all the flaws and all the dangers and all the pitfalls and most businesses struggle in the first year. I remember that conversation. And actually when I ended up lecturing on a master's course, it was often for young entrepreneurs that were setting off. And that conversation was the one that I used to draw on and speak to them and say that I'd ask them, if you're in a relationship, what does your partner think of you setting up your own business and going off on this? Because that will be the biggest indicator on whether it will be a throttle or a break. And it's often not because they don't think you're capable, it's because they love you and they don't want to see you hurt and they can see the dangers. And so often they'll point out the pitfalls and the setbacks, which can often be the inhibitor.
So it's an important distinction. People that might have doubted you are not necessarily enemies, people in the shadows waiting for you to trip up and be gleeful. Sometimes it can be the people closest to you.

**Jake Humphrey** (2:01)
Yeah, and I think so often it's their own self-doubt, their own fears being pushed on to you. So like my sister-

**Damian Hughes** (2:07)
Who's yours?

**Jake Humphrey** (2:09)
Mine would be, I mean, I had an mate, first of all I would say the biggest thing that was a drive for my whole life was when I left my first job to go London and to try and make it as a TV presenter. My boss at the time, and you know this, he said to me, never sit in the comfy chair. And I took that on and I still live with that today. But throughout my time, then trying to make it as a broadcaster, I was regularly told, I mean, the biggest one was probably when I spoke with the head of talent for BBC Sport, the person responsible for hiring presenters to work for BBC Sport. We had a meeting and she leant across the table and said to me, you will never work for BBC Sport. Because I didn't fit the mold of the kind of people they were hiring at the time.
But it was the never-sitting-the-comfy-chair mentality that meant I picked up the phone to a friend and I found another way. And I think this is the interesting thing. And I know you're going to talk in a moment because you're interested in the kind of the two options we have available to us when we hear this negative self-talk. But can I just say before Damian dives in, please hit follow or subscribe if you don't already. Because almost everyone that enjoys high performance, they come to us for the lessons, the learnings. We love giving you this content for free.
But most people aren't subscribed to the show and it makes such a difference to us. You can do that. And in a moment, we're going to delve into the archive and hear from Rugby League legend, Jamie Peacock and also former gang member, Karl Locco. But first of all, the psychology on being doubted by other people.

**Damian Hughes** (3:27)
Yeah, so back in the 1970s, Albert Bandura, a psychologist, spoke about self-efficacy theory. So if you believe you've got high levels of self-efficacy, you believe that you can make things happen in your own life. Having low levels of it believes that you're almost powerless to act. And two of the most powerful ways that Bandura identified that you can increase your levels of self-efficacy are, one, giving yourself plenty of evidence that you're capable. But the second one is telling yourself that you're capable as well.