How To Build Secure, Healthy Relationships: Master Detachment, Set Better Boundaries & Stop Seeking Validation Ft. Margarita Nazarenko

Michael Bosstick (0:01)

Welcome to The Bossticks. Starring Lauryn Bosstick and Michael Bosstick. Together, they are The Bossticks.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of The Bossticks. Today, we're sitting down with Margarita Nazarenko, who is an author, creator, and powerful voice in the conversation around self-worth, relationships, femininity, and personal power. Her new book, Unbothered, the Art of Letting Go, to find yourself, tackle something many of us struggle with, such as knowing when to stop chasing, fixing, explaining, and trying to control was never ours to control. Some of the other themes we talk about in this episode are detachment, alignment practices, releasing control, setting boundaries, relationship patterns, acceptance, energy exchange, and nervous system regulation, which is important for everybody. We really enjoyed this conversation with Margarita. With that, Margarita, welcome to The Bossticks.

Lauryn Bosstick (0:50)

Listen, I was on TikTok. I'm scrolling TikTok, and I see your face, which is beautiful, go watch YouTube.

And you pop up, you have the most gorgeous accent, and you were speaking my language, and the things you were saying were exactly how I got my husband. And I thought, oh my God, she's telling all my secrets to the world. Can I say something to you?

Margarita Nazarenko (1:15)

Do you remember, I've listened to your podcast for a little bit, do you remember the poodle reference? You were like, act like a poodle, and every time you mention it, I'm like, develop the thought, come on, Lauryn, you're like, you know, and you just keep going. It's the poodle, unbothered is the poodle. What is the poodle?

Lauryn Bosstick (1:29)

What is the poodle?

Margarita Nazarenko (1:30)

You tell me.

Lauryn Bosstick (1:33)

That's a little tease. I'm a content marketing for that. Yeah. A poodle is to me aloof.

It's unbothered as your book.

Margarita Nazarenko (1:42)

Yeah.

Lauryn Bosstick (1:43)

It could take it or leave it.

Margarita Nazarenko (1:45)

It could take it or leave it because it cares about its own internal experience more than managing the experience of other people. A lot of people, a lot of women want the guy to be okay. What is he thinking?

What is he feeling? Does he like me enough? Does it matter? Does it matter? Do you like him? You see what I'm saying?

Lauryn Bosstick (2:02)

Why do you think that that's the first go-to for a lot of women? Meaning like managing what the guy thinks of them.

Margarita Nazarenko (2:10)

Because we are raised and you'll see it from your daughter. We go to school, we get good grades. If you communicate well, if you're a good listener, if you do things well, you can get a dream job, you can achieve at work. It's all masculine energy. You go forward, you can do the thing. Then we take that and we're like, great, I'm really good at stuff. You're like, I'll apply that to relationships.

You use the same energy on men and they're like, whoa, stop micromanaging me. Stop telling me what to do. You're taking the one thing that men really value and that's freedom.

The reason men like a poodle is because they like the freedom to choose the poodle. Not someone who's going to tell them, you have to like me and this is how you have to like me, and this is how you have to love me. I just saw you nod.

Lauryn Bosstick (2:51)

Oh, Michael's freaking out right now. He's freaking out and I'm going to say that.

Margarita Nazarenko (2:55)

I'm going to be careful on this episode. You don't because Michael often says, I know men and women, they're kind of the same. I've got to be careful. Don't be careful. They're different.

Michael Bosstick (3:03)

No, I don't say they're the same. I say they're different.

Margarita Nazarenko (3:05)

You've got to be careful.

Michael Bosstick (3:06)

That's why you have to be careful saying that, but it's true.

I have a lot of female friends and I have a lot of male friends, and the conversations we have about relationships are very different. Anyone that says, any guy that says different is lying to you.

Margarita Nazarenko (3:20)

They're lying. I say that and they're like, could you say that? I just want to be myself. I just want to be honest. I just want to express to him how this relationship is going to go. And I'm like, do you want him? Do you want to win or do you want to be right? Because I want to win. It's a strategy. You want the person you want and you of course want to be yourself, but you have to mitigate yourself. We always say, I just want to be myself. What does that even mean?