How To Beat Distraction, Live Intentionally & Have No Regrets with Nir Eyal #685

Nir Eyal (0:01)

Distraction is about escape from discomfort. So 90% of the time that you check your phone, it's not because of a pinging or ring, it's because of boredom, loneliness, fatigue, uncertainty, anxiety. We have to learn the source of the problem. Master internal triggers or they become your master.

Dr Rangan Chatterjee (0:19)

Hey guys, how are you doing? Hope you're having a good week so far. My name is Dr Rangan Chatterjee, and this is my podcast, Feel Better, Live More.

Do you sometimes feel yourself getting pulled away from the life you ideally want to lead? Well, if so, today's returning guest, I'm pretty sure, will help you get back on track. Nir Eyal is a behavior design expert who writes, consults and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology and human potential. He's a former Stanford lecturer and is the author of the international bestsellers Hooked and Indistractable alongside his latest book, Beyond Belief. The last time Nir appeared on my podcast earlier this year, we talked about how our beliefs can hold us back without us realizing. And one such belief might be the idea that modern life is keeping us distracted, and stealing our attention away from valuable pursuits with its phones and notifications and algorithms. But as Nir sets out beautifully in this episode, we do have more control over our time and our minds than we might think. You see, Nir believes that the real opposite of distraction isn't focus, it's traction, a sense of being pulled towards the life you actually want, rather than away from it. Nir has a wonderful way of presenting ideas about psychology and human behaviour in a way that you can use immediately. In our conversation, he explains why it's not addictive technology that's distracting you, but your own internal triggers. You'll learn his four set framework for becoming indistractable, his 10 minute rule to quash impulsivity, and why to do lists can often sabotage your productivity and what to do instead. We also talk about the difficulties many of us face raising children in a hyper connected world, why kids turn to screens when they're missing psychological nutrients offline and what that means for parents.

Nir's central idea is that distraction is not a moral failing, but actually an impulse control problem instead. And by the time you finish listening, you're going to have a clearer sense of your own patterns around distraction and some simple practical tools for interrupting them.

You have previously said that avoiding distraction is the key to not living with regrets. Now, many people near as they get older start to feel a lot of regrets about the things they have done or the things they haven't done. If avoiding distraction is the key to a regret free life, how do we avoid distraction?

Nir Eyal (3:32)

And why should we avoid regret? What's so terrible about regret? That's kind of been my goal with my writing is the deeper I go into thinking through these topics, that's what I'm working towards is how can I look at the future with systems in place so that when I look back at my past, I don't say, oh, should have, could have, what? That's what I'm really trying to avoid. I don't want on my deathbed to say, I should have spent more time with friends. I should have invested more in my kids. I should have started that business. I should have done this or that. I want to look back and say, I live my life the way I wanted to on my terms. That's really my goal. And so if that's your goal, it doesn't have to be everybody's goal, but that's my goal is to live a great life, then the way we make sure that we do that, what makes us more likely to live without regret, is that we plan each day the way we want to spend it.

And I think that so few people have experienced the bliss, the joy of even one single day spent the way they wanted to live their life. It's the best.

Dr Rangan Chatterjee (4:34)

Yeah, it's really interesting. First of all, who would not want to live intentionally, which I guess is what you're proposing for us. And if I think about your three books, Hooked sort of teaching us about how do we get addicted to things, how do companies get us hooked on things. Indistractable, which I want to talk about today, how do we control and focus our attention on what really matters?

And I guess even your third book, Beyond Belief, which we spoke about a few months ago, this idea that it's limiting beliefs that hold us back from living the life that we want, there is kind of this unifying theory that I think sits above all of them, which is how do you live an intentional life?