Hari Kondabolu: A Joke About Air Travel

**Hari Kondabolu** (0:05)
Nice to be here, I almost missed my flight to Seattle. I'm at JFK Airport, and there's a really long line at airport security, because there was a lady at the front of the line who was angry that she couldn't bring her water through security. So she just kept saying, why can't I bring my water through security? Why can't I bring my water through security? You don't know why you can't bring your water through security? I thought we collectively agreed to never forget.
It's important to start the shows with a 911 joke, so the audience knows you mean business.
Not fucking around. So the line's not moving, and I'm frustrated, right? Because this is a big airport, it's JFK. When you're late at a small airport, it's easy, right? You just run right through. It's like Gate 20, Gate 22, Gate 24, you're there, easy. When you're at a big airport like JFK, it doesn't work that way. It's like Gate 20, Gate 22, Complete Shopping Mall for no reason, Gate 24 You have to weave through a capitalist obstacle course. Hey, Hari, why did you miss your flight? I bought a 40-pound Toblerone for no reason.
So I finally get to the front of the line, and I'm frustrated, right? Because my plane is boarding at this point, right? And so I give the TSA agent my ID, and he looks at me, and he's like, hey, you look nervous. Why do you look so nervous? I'm like, well, my plane's boarding right now. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know about your plane. But why do you look so nervous? And that's when I realized that this was a man who didn't forget.
Airport security's hard enough. Why do I need extra steps? We all know this, right? Airport security's a scam, right? How do little bottles keep us safer? What I think is happening is that the government is in cahoots with the little bottle people. We're being held hostage here by big little bottle. Johnson and Johnson say no more tears, but are they lying to us? So you buy your cute shit, and you put it through the x-ray machine, right? And then you walk through another machine and it swipes right to left like this and steals your thoughts, and...
And when you're in that machine for some unknown reason, they make you give the Illuminati symbol, like... It's a little suspicious, it's a little suspicious. Yes, pay respect to your silent masters, yes. Actually, now that I think about it, when you break a Toblerone into little pieces, what do you get? Little triangles, little triangles. What does that tell you? What does that tell you? Tells you I'm on the internet too much, is what it tells you. Now, after this point, people get padded down, some of us more than others, you know, because I'm very handsome and moderately famous, you know, and I have brown skin and sometimes I stupidly grow a beard, right? And airport security does not like this and you cannot reason with them. Like, no, sir, you have nothing to worry about. This is a depression beard. I'm depressed right now. I am just a threat to myself. You have nothing to worry about. Watch Hari Kondabolu, Warn Your Relatives. Only on Netflix.