Gold Dust Woman: Marie Suize Pantalon

Zaron Burnett (0:00)

Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.

Elizabeth Dutton (0:03)

Zaron, if that is your real name.

Zaron Burnett (0:06)

It may be.

Elizabeth Dutton (0:08)

How are you?

Zaron Burnett (0:09)

I'm allegedly doing really well. And how are you doing?

Elizabeth Dutton (0:13)

I'm well. I'm well, good, sir.

Zaron Burnett (0:15)

Oh, good. Is that the word on the street, or are you just telling me the tales?

Elizabeth Dutton (0:18)

No, I'm just, I'm doing my best impression there.

SPEAKER_3 (0:20)

Yeah, okay.

Elizabeth Dutton (0:22)

You know what's ridiculous?

SPEAKER_3 (0:23)

I do.

Zaron Burnett (0:25)

So the BBC had this story. So it seems to me to be quite verifiable and correct.

There was a story from the UK of this guy who stole his partner's car and drove 150 miles, or 240 kilometers for people who go by kilometers, at night. And he was drunk, which was bad. Terrible. What made it worse was he was blind.

Elizabeth Dutton (0:53)

Oh no. Zaron, no.

Zaron Burnett (0:55)

Yes. Anthony, not Michael Hall, 50 years old, who does not have a driver's license because he technically is visually impaired, drove on the M6 for 150 miles at night, swerving around the road because he could not see.

And it's not technically, he's like legally blind. When he went to court, he had the cane. He had the whole, the glasses, the cane, the whole bit in the photos. So he's technically rather blind.

Elizabeth Dutton (1:22)

So maybe he can see light.

Zaron Burnett (1:23)

He can see light. He can just see enough light that he was following trucks. But he couldn't see the road, couldn't see anything other than just like these.

Elizabeth Dutton (1:32)

And this is the first time driving a car, I hope.

Zaron Burnett (1:35)

Hopefully, or at least since he's lost his vision, if he wasn't born this way, it wasn't in the news stories that I saw. But yeah, so he drove 150 miles blind drunk, literally blind and drunk. Yes, which I was like, what? Dude, I had to say, I respected the fact that this man, he basically broke up with his partner. The two of them, he's 50 years old, they had been drinking wine, like multiple bottles of wine.

And he then stole his partner's car, just took it, and he's like, I'm going home to Scotland. And he drove north, which direction's north.

SPEAKER_3 (2:15)

That's a Scotsman.

Zaron Burnett (2:17)

And I thought you'd appreciate that. Cause you know, and then the court apparently heard that he stopped for fuel at one point. What? And the attendant came out and filled up his car. I guess he'd taken the glasses off.

SPEAKER_3 (2:29)

He's like, I can't really see, but can you?

Elizabeth Dutton (2:31)

Yeah, and then I'll let you get out on the highway.

Zaron Burnett (2:32)

No one got injured. So there was that. And apparently, I'm sorry, he lost his vision only two years ago. And so now he's just dead.

Elizabeth Dutton (2:40)

So he had already known.

Zaron Burnett (2:41)

Yeah, he apparently may have known pretty well how to drive. So and then he just like hoped it came back to him and that they're working.

Elizabeth Dutton (2:49)

Well, I'm just glad no one got hurt.

Zaron Burnett (2:51)

That's the kind of confident. Oh yeah, definitely. Definitely. But that's a ridiculous decision, right?

Elizabeth Dutton (2:57)

That is ridiculous.

Zaron Burnett (2:59)

I'm driving home.

SPEAKER_3 (3:00)

You can't see. It ain't gonna stop me. I'm four bottles in. I can see the back of a truck.

Elizabeth Dutton (3:04)

Marks and Spencer had a discount on one.

SPEAKER_3 (3:07)

Oh, man.

Zaron Burnett (3:08)

150 miles. That is, even I, my most stubborn and persistent and drunk would not be like, I can drive 150 miles with just seeing headlights. Basically, imagine you're in the fog and you can just barely see a truck in front of you.

Elizabeth Dutton (3:22)

That's crazy.

Zaron Burnett (3:23)

That's how we drove.

Elizabeth Dutton (3:24)

That's crazy.

Zaron Burnett (3:24)

At highway speeds.

Elizabeth Dutton (3:25)

That's crazy.

Zaron Burnett (3:26)

Yeah, and ridiculous.

Elizabeth Dutton (3:27)

Did I say that's crazy? It's crazy and ridiculous. Do you want to know what else is ridiculous?

Zaron Burnett (3:32)

Oh, please. I'm here for it.

Elizabeth Dutton (3:34)

Getting busted for pants.

Zaron Burnett (3:36)

What?

Elizabeth Dutton (3:37)

I know.

This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, lies, and cons. It's always 99% murder free and 100% ridiculous.

Zaron Burnett (4:10)

Damn right you are.

Elizabeth Dutton (4:12)

Zaron.

SPEAKER_3 (4:13)

Yes, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth Dutton (4:13)