Go To on Breaking Cycles

Kelly Corrigan (0:09)

Hey, everybody, this short segment is called a go-to. It refers back to this crazy thing we used to do at the end of our sorority meetings in college, if you can believe that. It was called. For the Good of the Order, and it was a way to share something that had emerged over the course of the week, which really was a bit of learning or thinking or feeling that was to everyone's benefit to share. And so that's all we'll do here. Every Friday, we release a go-to, and we encourage you to share it with friends around the country. We know that people use it as a way to stay in touch with their best friends across the country, and of course, far-flung family members wherever they might be. And as for your local nearest and dearest, consider it fodder for discussion over the course of the weekend. This is Kelly Corrigan Wonders and our weekly segment called Go To.

This week's Go To is from a guy named Simran Jeet Singh, and he is a really neat thinker that I have been lucky enough to cross paths with. Simran is the Executive Director of the Aspen Institute's Religion and Society Program. He's also the author of a 2022 book called The Light We Give, How Seek Wisdom Can Transform Your Life. He has a podcast called Wisdom and Practice, and he's looking at traditions across the philosophical and spiritual spectrum. And every other week, he sits down with thought leaders to uncover what we can learn when we explore the big questions, like about meaning and purpose and growth. Simran and I are interested in the exact same questions, how to bring more meaning and purpose to our lives, and where there is growth to be found. I did a podcast with him last year at Aspen Ideas, which he just released on Wisdom and Practice. And he recently was moderating a panel at the Justice Film Festival, and there was an Oscar-nominated short. It's called I Am Ready Warden. And in the film, you meet this guy named Aaron Castro, who was only a boy when his father was murdered in cold blood. Simran was so moved by Aaron's story, that he decided to share it on his substack, which is called More Of This Please, Seek Wisdom For Today's World. Here's what Simran wrote. Aaron grew up hating his father's killer. He hated him. And understandably so, who wouldn't? The killer never fled the country. He never apologized. He's never held accountable. There was no justice.

Aaron's hatred simmered for years. And one day he got the shock of his life. Authorities had found his father's killer in Mexico, and were going to bring him back and charge him in Texas.

The killer was sentenced to death. Finally, closure, right? Well, not really. Aaron didn't celebrate. He grieved. Another life lost. Too young, he said. And what's more, just before he was executed, Aaron's father's killer recorded a voice message, in which he apologized to Aaron.

Aaron received that message on the day of the execution, and it was then in that moment, after years of harboring hatred for this man, that Aaron made a new decision. It was time to forgive. I found this decision stunning, improbable, superhuman. How could he just decide, after spending his whole life hating this man, to suddenly forgive him? I had the opportunity to ask Aaron to walk us through his mental processing, and his response was one of the most profound things I've ever heard. He said, I know what it's like to know that someone wants your father dead. I spent my whole life living with that pain. When I learned that the killer had a son, who is about the same age I was when my father was killed, I knew that I had to relieve him of that burden. I couldn't be the guy who wanted his father dead. I had to end the cycle of hate.

Aaron's rationale was even more stunning than his decision to forgive. He didn't know this boy personally, and he never would, and he didn't even see him as being connected to the murder. Instead, he saw him as a child, like any other child, whose pain he could absorb. And he made that sacrifice despite it being exceedingly difficult.

It was a beautiful reflection and a beautiful gesture, and Aaron is a beautiful human being. I've been thinking about him since, especially as we see so much pain and division and contention all around us. What might it look like for us to absorb one another's pain, to sacrifice for one another, to end the cycle of hate?

I have no idea how I would respond if I was in his situation. I don't know if I'd be willing to forgive. And at the same time, I'm confident that I would have the capacity to do so. Why? Because there are people all around us, like Aaron and so many others who have shown us that it's possible for us to meet the worst of our humanity with the best of ourselves. It's not easy, and it takes time. And sometimes we might even have to fight with ourselves, but it's possible. And that's all the hope I need at this moment.