Gianmarco Soresi: A Joke About Guns

Gianmarco Soresi (0:06)

I recently went to my first ever gun show. And I'm not into guns, but I was in Florida and I figured I'd learn about their culture. And I walked in and they had every kind of gun you can imagine, AR-15s, M16s, AK-47s. It's hard to tell the difference because that's their LGBTQIA2+.

But before I could even walk around, there was this young woman, she ran up to me and handed me a free pocket constitution. And I was shocked she could read. And she pulled me aside and she was like, did you know they don't even teach the Second Amendment in schools anymore? And I was like, don't you think they're getting enough hands-on experience? That's not what I said. I wanted to, but I was scared. I was freaking out the whole time I was there. That some crazy motherfucker was going to show up to the gun show and just start shooting up the place. But then I was like, wait a second, no one will be crazy enough to even try that because everyone here has a gun. I mean, maybe there will be no more mass shootings. If everyone had a... I have to get the fuck out of Florida right now. What the fuck did I just say?

It's a good argument. I was so persuaded, I went to a shooting range. And let me tell you something. If you really believe that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, then you have never seen me shoot a gun. Because if I tried stopping a mass shooter, you would think we were in it together. The news would be like, a mass shooter and his blind accomplice stormed the gun show, taking out 14 windows and lighting fixtures.

There's no point debating it, though. Everyone's already made up their mind. I always know an argument's over with someone when they say, what would the founding fathers think? Buddy, I don't care what my regular father thinks. Try again. If Benjamin Franklin were alive today, he'd be like, what's a poke bowl? He wouldn't give a shit about any of us.

And obviously, I'm a liberal cuck. But even liberals, they can be very hypocritical about guns, especially Hollywood. Everyone in Hollywood, they always claim to be anti-guns. And then they make more fucking gun movies. Right? If you're anti-guns, make more karate films. I'd much rather be kicked by Alec Baldwin, wouldn't you?

Why did they resume filming on that movie? Because how do you give it a positive review? What are you going to be like, Rolling Stone says, Worth it. Vanity Fair. Baldwin never misses. Catch Gianmarco Soresi in Verified Stand-Up only on Netflix.