Gerry Dee: A Joke About Kids Sports

**Gerry Dee** (0:05)
Now, they sleep, they just, I don't even see them, I don't. They play sports, that's my favorite part of it. Their life is sports, I love sports, my wife was supportive of that too, and I thought, what sports? And here's the things I thought of. I'm going to put them in sports for three reasons. One, maybe it's a sport they can make money, or get a scholarship, or get some of the money back we put into it, right? So I pick a sport like that, okay? Or maybe it's a sport they can play when they're older, with their friends, right? Keep it going. A lot of sports you can play well into your 70s and 80s, right? And it's a sport I gotta like watching, because I gotta go. So that was it. That was the three things. My friends have kids in sports, I'm like, no chance, no chance. Synchronized swimming, why? What, how did that come up in the conversation? How did no one shoot that down in the family when the daughter or son, I don't even know if boys do it, when the daughter said, I wanna do synchro at 5 a.m.? Why didn't someone go, next question? No, that would be me, no chance, no chance. What are you gonna do? You're not, what, the Olympics? Maybe, maybe? Then you make no money. You can't do it when you're older. You never do that, you never go, hey, you guys wanna come over, do some synchro, and then go for beer and wings? We'll go for beer and wings after. We'll do synchro in my pool.
No. Another friend does equestrian. Like, you're not even the athlete. You don't even, you're not even the athlete. You just sit there.
No. Volleyball is interesting, because sometimes people recognize me at volleyball, and they're like, hey, is your daughter playing? When they were like 11, I'm like, yeah. Like, in my mind, I'm like, duh. Like, what are you, then eventually I would just go, no, no, I just love, I love this group of girls. I just follow them.
That's my favorite, number five. Hello.
Hockey, I coached my son's team. It's house league. And I think you got to get rid of house league. It just makes no sense. It's about three kids. It is. My son was the second worst player. He was not very good. Thank God for the worst player. That's all. That's all I can tell you. And I was the coach. And I would just, there's this kid, Marcus, he'd get four, five, six goals a game. And my son was just not even touching the puck. And it was so hard. People are like, is that your son? I'm like, nah, that's my nephew. He's not. That's my nephew. Marcus, Marcus, the black kid, that's my son. Yeah. Yeah. Go get him, Mars. Trying to adopt him, but his parents are like, no, you can't have. There's something about when the best kid, you wish it was your kid, right? Something about when your kid's not good, you don't want to go. I'm like, do you want to go so far tonight? Oh, you don't even touch the puck. But I love it. Love what? You don't... But there was one kid on his team, Angus. Right away, you're not making the NHL. Your name's Angus. There's no Angus. There's no Angus in the NHL. There never will be. It's just not a name. Your name tells you, okay? Your dad should go, no, you know Angus is... You know, we'll open a steakhouse. Why don't we open a steakhouse?
This kid, this is how stupid house they get. This kid shows up the first day. He's never been on the ice. He's never skated. Skating's not easy. He's never done it. Okay, he's seven years old. He's like, I want to do that. And you just sign up, and I get him on my team. No draft, no picking teams. Just I get Angus. Shows up, his equipment's in the boxes still. We're unpacking it. I'm like, what? We're not winning. We're not winning with this kid.
And I have to play him. That's the rule. He took number 36 If you know hockey, that's a goalie number. I'm like, oh, my God, 36? Seriously? All he could do, I would make him leave the boards. Because if he would just try to lean on the boards, now it's basically a five on four. I'm like, I'd push him out. I'd get out, and he'd go, uh.
Sometimes I'd wish he'd leave his skate guards on, because I know he'd pull a groin and he'd be out.
No, he always remembered that part. So this is all this kid could do. He loved it. He could just... All the good players, he could just follow it. He just did this little... This is his home, and he'd wave to his parents. The NHL, they don't wave.