Eva Evans: A Joke About Dating

**Eva Evans** (0:06)
I'm, like, excited about aliens being here. I really am. I am, yeah. I feel like Earth needs new men.
Yeah, yeah, we need new options in this motherfucker. We need... Yeah, right? I would definitely fuck with an alien. I'm trying to see what these Mars are talking about, you know what I mean? What these getting money juke what these are saying, you know what I mean? Real shit. I know it sounds crazy, but let him be 6'4 with no kids.
If he's 6'4 with no kids, I'm sucking both of his dicks. Right? He got to have at least two. Don't come over here with his one dick. We've been there, done that. If you go invade the planet, let me see some shit I ain't ever seen before, you know what I mean? Real shit. So I met this guy. He was a trans man. He didn't put that on his page that I didn't know, but when I showed up to the restaurant, he disclosed that to me. I appreciated him letting me know, right? I could tell he was nervous, and he was scared that I was gonna react a certain way, and I told him, I said, you gotta relax, okay? I am too poor to have a phobia.
I said, as long as you identify as a man who's paying this check.
At the end of this meal, because, bitch, I showed up ashy and hungry, I was like, shoot. The date went very well, the conversation was good. The date went south when his car declined, when the bill came. Yeah, his car declined. And I was concerned. And he said, don't worry, one of my six roommates is going to send me some money. I said, n***a, where you live, at jail? Why you got so many roommates? So, long story short, he pays the bill, and he asked me out again. He said, Eva had a great time. Can I take you out again? I said, nah, I'm good. And he got offended. He's like, I thought we had a great time. Don't tell me you're transphobic. I said, no, baby, I don't date the poor.
I'm poor. What the f*** we gonna do together? Push upon a star, n***a? I need help. I said, why didn't you plan better? Why didn't you transition into a rich man?
Right? So your trans-actions can go through. Catch Eva Evans and Funny AF with Kevin Hart, only on Netflix.