Episode 684: Clifford Olsen Part III - Never Trust a Man with a New Hammer

SPEAKER_1 (0:01)

There's no place to escape to. This is The Last Podcast On The Left.

Marcus Parks (0:09)

That's when the cannibalism started.

SPEAKER_3 (0:21)

What? We're rolling, rolling, rolling.

SPEAKER_4 (0:24)

Who can't do it?

SPEAKER_3 (0:25)

I'm not allowed to do it anymore.

Ed Larson (0:27)

What, you can't roll no more?

Marcus Parks (0:28)

No, we rolled a lot in the old days.

Henry Zebrowski (0:31)

This one's going out to the Canadians that I had message me that dared to say the words that Clifford Olsen looked like Pedro Pascal. And I just want to say, what happened to you?

SPEAKER_7 (0:46)

I can kind of see it.

Marcus Parks (0:47)

I can kind of see it.

Henry Zebrowski (0:48)

If he was squashed by a giant boot, like a Monty Python foot hit him in the head.

Ed Larson (0:55)

He looks like a Pedro Pascal action figure that was left on the rear view of your car.

Henry Zebrowski (1:01)

If you think that Clifford Olsen looks like Pedro Pascal, you need human touch.

Marcus Parks (1:07)

I'm going to say bee sting Pedro Pascal. Some guys look like bee sting versions of other guys.

Henry Zebrowski (1:12)

He looks like-

SPEAKER_8 (1:13)

But he's tiny. He looks like my memory of Pedro Pascal.

Marcus Parks (1:16)

I'm sorry, dude, I'm staring at him right now. He looks almost exactly like him.

SPEAKER_8 (1:20)

Because he doesn't-

Marcus Parks (1:20)

But no, he doesn't! He doesn't though!

Ed Larson (1:23)

He has a good- No, I could see where they're coming from, but it's definitely like-

Marcus Parks (1:28)

It's a reach.

Ed Larson (1:29)

If Pedro Pascal slash tires for a living.

Henry Zebrowski (1:33)

Yeah, if Pedro Pascal without the skin treatment, Pedro Pascal without the money, Pedro Pascal with the hair, without the hair treatments, without all the wonderful, like the glam squad and all of the stuff.

Marcus Parks (1:44)

Without the hair treatments, I'm looking at two pictures right now, 30 years apart, and they have the exact same hairstyle.

Henry Zebrowski (1:50)

Look at that picture, look at the next picture.

SPEAKER_4 (1:52)

He looks nothing like him.

SPEAKER_8 (1:53)

Welcome to Last Podcast On The Left, ladies and gentlemen.

Marcus Parks (1:55)

My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with Pedro Pascal's number one fan, Henry Zabraus.

Henry Zebrowski (2:01)

I love my bisexual lead. He's my bisexual lead.

Ed Larson (2:06)

Yeah, call him the Glandalorian.

SPEAKER_4 (2:09)

Yeah, I heard that.

Henry Zebrowski (2:12)

I can't pull Grogu off my fucking balls.

Marcus Parks (2:17)

And we have the man with the common sense, Ed Larsen.

SPEAKER_4 (2:20)

How are you doing?

Ed Larson (2:21)

I can't wait to watch Mandalorian and Grogu again. Just watch Grogu suck his own penis one more time.

Henry Zebrowski (2:28)

So brave.

Ed Larson (2:29)

To full completion.

Henry Zebrowski (2:30)

Just one of them. People say that they don't have the balls to make art anymore.

Marcus Parks (2:38)

Stuff that makes you think. I'm watching that little alien try to suck his own dick for 45 minutes.

Ed Larson (2:46)

The whole time he's trying to suck and suck and suck. He's like, just use your telekinesis.

Marcus Parks (2:50)

Yeah.

Henry Zebrowski (2:51)

Ask your buddy.

Marcus Parks (2:54)

And here we are, ladies and gentlemen. We're here at Clifford Olsen, Part III.

Henry Zebrowski (2:58)

Part trace.

Marcus Parks (3:00)

See. So when we last left Clifford Olsen, he just committed his first known murder at the age of 40, because his car had gotten stuck in the mud after he'd abducted and violated a 12-year-old girl, or at least that was the chain of events that Clifford described.

Henry Zebrowski (3:16)

Don't let anybody tell you life's over at 40 You can always change gears.

Marcus Parks (3:21)

Clifford had reasoned that he couldn't very well call a tow truck with a 12-year-old girl passed out in the back seat of his car. So the girl had to go before the tow truck came. But because Clifford Olsen had little to no experience in murdering another human being, the murder of Christine Weller had been a torturous, drawn-out affair. But as opposed to other serial killers who become more efficient with their murders as time goes on, the chaotic nature of Clifford's own soul would ensure that his murders would become only more protracted and cruel each time he took a life. So even though Clifford didn't commit his first known murder until the age of 40, he found that he liked it once he had finally taken the plunge. And because he was such a psychopathic narcissist, he looked at his victims as nothing more than playthings. They existed to satisfy first his own desires and eventually his growing sadistic curiosity.