Episode 67 — Nothing Worse Than A Hamster In Your U-Bend

**Christine Thom** (0:10)
Good morning.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:12)
It is September 11th.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:19)
Is it?

**Vic Dunn** (0:19)
Yes.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:20)
Oh, okay, so it's 7th of 11th.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:22)
Today's word is sticky drool.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:29)
Sticky drool, ladies and gentlemen.

**SPEAKER_6** (0:33)
Morning, morning, morning.

**Vic Dunn** (0:34)
Good morning-ish-en afternoon.

**SPEAKER_7** (0:37)
What time is it, actually?

**Christine Thom** (0:38)
Oh, it's 12.16. 12.16.
Oh, I'm fru-kin knuckered.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:44)
Yeah, you're a bit tired.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:46)
The eyes are just giving off. I've not had a great sleep, thank you very much.

**Christine Thom** (0:50)
But it's all good.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:51)
How's your week been? Yeah, all right.
Up and down, mixed.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:56)
Don't dim me in this morning, though.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:58)
I had to go and pick up something from Tesco's on the way this morning.

**Vic Dunn** (1:00)
Yeah?

**SPEAKER_5** (1:01)
And we've run out of bog paper in our house, which is awful. I was having a run out of coffee and butter.

**Vic Dunn** (1:08)
I could wipe him with them, though, innit? Although if you did wipe with butter, it might just create a little bit of a seal.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:15)
Coffee would be a bit gritty. Yeah, depending on if it's beans or ground. But I went in, I picked up the only option for bog roll, nine things, £7.15.

**SPEAKER_3** (1:27)
£7.15.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:30)
I got to the checkout and I said to the woman, it's really expensive to wipe your arse these days, innit?

**Vic Dunn** (1:35)
Oh, gosh, morning. Yeah. Yes, hello, I don't know you.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:40)
Well done.

**Christine Thom** (1:42)
Was it one of those, was it one of those that they double, so you really buy an 18 rolls?

**SPEAKER_5** (1:46)
No, they were just, what's the one with your dog on the front?

**Christine Thom** (1:50)
Andre.

**SPEAKER_7** (1:51)
Yeah.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:52)
Normally, I just buy Tesco's own as long as you.

**Christine Thom** (1:54)
Yeah, we do.

**SPEAKER_7** (1:54)
Yeah.

**Christine Thom** (1:55)
But I was like that, oh, much.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:58)
And there wasn't even a, you know, if you use your Tesco's club card, I don't even think I got a discount.

**Vic Dunn** (2:02)
Oh, my gosh.

**SPEAKER_8** (2:03)
So when I get home, everybody would be giving one sheet.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:07)
Yeah, you need a monitor to stand outside the door and get them out. This has got to last you.

**SPEAKER_7** (2:14)
Or some sort of machine that you take one out, and if you try another one, it actually runs.

**SPEAKER_8** (2:18)
Yeah.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:18)
Or get one of them round things. They're stupid, annoying, fucking round things with that hole in the middle that looks like them.

**Christine Thom** (2:24)
With the nipple in the middle and you pull it out. Yeah.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:26)
I hate them so much.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:27)
I'm terrible because I quite often don't spot the nipple. So I'm searching around, around the whole thing going, what the is that?

**SPEAKER_2** (2:35)
Oh, it's there and it's staring right at you.

**Vic Dunn** (2:37)
Yeah.

**Christine Thom** (2:37)
And you pull it and it always snaps.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:40)
On less than what you need.

**Christine Thom** (2:41)
Oh, yeah.

**Vic Dunn** (2:42)
You just have to keep pulling.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:43)
And if someone pulled it and a little bit of tissue stuck in and then you can't grab it. I'm in always that situation when you really need to wipe your arse now.

**SPEAKER_3** (2:51)
So I need to...

**SPEAKER_5** (2:53)
I haven't got all day to stand here in my knickers. Right. Picking stuff out of me. Picking stuff out my arse.

**Vic Dunn** (3:05)
I haven't got time to stand here wafting air trying to...

**SPEAKER_5** (3:11)
Because you can't put your pants on because you need to go...

**Christine Thom** (3:14)
Do you know what I find annoying, right?

**SPEAKER_5** (3:16)
Is when you've done a poo and you wipe, right? And you obviously can't wipe again, so you put it down the toilet and then a little bit tinkle of wee comes.

**Vic Dunn** (3:26)
And you've got to get more paper to wipe your tinkle.

**SPEAKER_2** (3:28)
Yeah. Yeah.

**SPEAKER_5** (3:29)
Because sometimes I might do a bit of dabbing at the front and then wipe with the shower on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

**Vic Dunn** (3:35)
Multi-use.

**SPEAKER_5** (3:36)
The other way around. It really bugs the shit out of me.

**Vic Dunn** (3:39)
I've got this, it's like a Pavlov dog thing.

**SPEAKER_5** (3:42)
I have a wee when I get up. I get in the shower.

**Vic Dunn** (3:44)
Go rest of these.

**SPEAKER_5** (3:46)
Keep going.

**SPEAKER_2** (3:46)