Ep. 75 - Beachwood’s Fields, the Fairmount Property & a Heated Cornell Debate

Mike Burkons (0:05)

So, we screwed up last week, I said last week was Ep. 75

This week is Ep. 75

Shana (0:10)

I think we're just getting to that age where we forget numbers.

Mike Burkons (0:15)

I always say, like, you know I never make mistakes.

Shana (0:17)

Right.

Mike Burkons (0:18)

This is the second one, there was one I made back in 86, but I don't tell people about it, so it's possible, it can happen.

Shana (0:23)

You know, honestly, it's Hildebrand's problem, because we did two episodes because it was too long, so we split and just continued the conversation.

Mike Burkons (0:32)

Okay, that's good, because I didn't want to take credit for any error. No, it's all Hildebrand. I'm still pretty undefeated.

Shana (0:37)

You're going to come back and call us anti-Semites for that.

Mike Burkons (0:39)

Yes, we are. Only a Jew like you can make a mistake like that.

Shana (0:45)

That is true. That is probably true.

Mike Burkons (0:48)

Let me tell you this. Beachwood football, the fact that we're competitive in games is a huge fucking victory.

Shana (0:55)

I mean, I think so.

Mike Burkons (0:56)

And my son has a ton to do with it. He gets on the field the long snap.

Shana (1:00)

Yeah, yeah.

Mike Burkons (1:01)

So I think he was on the field for four or five snaps last night.

Shana (1:03)

Hey, I don't know what that means, but it sounds...

Mike Burkons (1:06)

It's long snapping. You don't know what that means?

Shana (1:07)

Isn't that when the quarterback like throws water?

SPEAKER_3 (1:09)

No, no, no.

Mike Burkons (1:11)

No, it's not when they kick the ball. There's a guy who does this.

Shana (1:13)

Oh.

Mike Burkons (1:15)

So it's funny because...

Shana (1:16)

So he's the kicking ball kicker?

Mike Burkons (1:17)

Nope, nope. He's the guy who snaps the ball. Like that's a longer snap. It's somewhat specialized.

Shana (1:23)

It's like the Lucy part.

Mike Burkons (1:25)

Yes. Yes, he's the Lucy of this Charlie Brown show.

Shana (1:27)

You do watch some football.

Mike Burkons (1:28)

I know. You notice that on football, like when there's a punt, it's a much longer snap, and when there's a field goal, it's a little bit longer.

Shana (1:34)

Yeah.

Mike Burkons (1:34)

It's like a kind of a specialty. It's not like... You gotta work at it.

Shana (1:37)

Hey, I mean, I'd be afraid somebody was gonna kick me in my tushy, you know?

Mike Burkons (1:42)

Yeah, and Jack talks tough, but he's not tough.

Shana (1:45)

You know what?

Mike Burkons (1:46)

He is the most fake tough I've ever seen.

Shana (1:48)

The fact that your ninth grader is playing on the varsity team.

Mike Burkons (1:53)

It's Beachwood varsity. I don't care.

This ain't Ed's.

Shana (1:59)

He looks tough down there.

Mike Burkons (2:01)

Well, he cares about that. He's looking tough, and it's funny. So today was the JV game. And he's a pretty good quarterback. But then he's on defense, and pre-snap, he looks like a good linebacker. Everything looks right.

And then the snap, he's not a good linebacker.

Shana (2:16)

So after the snapper does the snap, where does he go?

Mike Burkons (2:20)

So depends, well one, on an extra point. And the extra point is easy. The extra point is only a seven yard snap.

Punt, so listen, I'm not one to criticize our coaches. The NFL punt is like a 15 yard snap. But you see like in most high schools, they're doing 10 yard snaps. You know, because, but for some reason, like we do 15 yards, and that's a, the first one, like at the beginning of the day, Jack doing extra points, but they had this other kid doing punts, like a bigger kid, but he got injured. And so now Jack's doing the punts, and the first one, he had, like he got injured during the game. So Jack had never practiced it.

Shana (2:52)

Oh, God.

Mike Burkons (2:53)

So like, I was sitting there like, wow, that's a lot longer than the seven yards.

Shana (2:56)

Yeah.

Mike Burkons (2:56)

And he rolled that first one back. But ever since then, everyone's gotten there. It doesn't get there, it's not, it doesn't get there like fast, but.

Shana (3:03)

So the first game of the soccer season that we had away was at Cleveland Heights, and it was what used to be Monticello, and is now.

Mike Burkons (3:12)

Yeah, the new name.

Shana (3:13)

Beauregard or something. And I'm there, and I'm taking video for Jason and my mother-in-law and my mom, and Jack has, you know, he's goalie, and so he's gonna kick the ball. And a dad on the other team is like, to his son, hey, hey, Josh, get closer, he can't kick. To which I was like, hey, motherfucker, that's my fucking son you're talking about. And then I was like, well, shit, now I can't even show my kid this video.