Ep. 429 - Sabrina Zohar on How to Manifest the Love You Want

Sabrina Zohar (0:00)

The biggest thing I see that I think is holding people back from the relationship that they so crave and desire is the biggest fear that if you show up as yourself, that's the reason it won't work out. And I hate to tell you, but the reason it will work out is because you show up as yourself. Those are people that authentically loves themselves and will get the life and the love that they deserve because of how they show up. And I don't want anyone to forget that.

Jessica Gill (0:20)

Sabrina Zohar, welcome to The Expanded Podcast.

Sabrina Zohar (0:24)

I'm so excited to be here and honored. Thank you for having me.

Jessica Gill (0:27)

Of course. Okay, so dating relationship coach, expert, connoisseur, everybody's big sis, BFF teaching us the real truth to get our worth back and not settle for the things we need to settle for, podcast host and now author of Why Am I Like This? I'm obsessed with this title. When I was reading, my fiance started dying laughing. He's like, I'm obsessed with that title. It is so good. I'm so excited. First of all, congrats on the book. It's amazing. Read it cover to cover. We're going to dig into so much in there. And I feel like we get, I know you share so in-depth on your podcast and we get snippets on your social, but I feel like I really got to understand you and your stories and your narratives. And that helps so much in the guiding because there's so much education in here as well and like very practical tools that people can use in real time when they're going through it and dating. But hearing your exact journey through it, I think has really set the stage for how much of an expert and how much you've grown through this world.

Sabrina Zohar (1:28)

Oh, thank you. I figured when I was doing all this, I'm like, all right, let's go for the jugular. I was like, start with the 173 texts. Start, go there, right? Like go into the deep end because I maybe you can relate, maybe you can't. Everybody's different. But like I know for me personally, I don't relate to people if you're like, oh yeah, I've never struggled. I've never had hardship. Like my parents have loved me and I got money and I've been wealthy all my life and I don't have to work. Like those are the type of people I'm like, oh my God, I love this for you. But I don't understand that, right?

I don't understand what it feels like to have a father show up for me or to have siblings that would do anything for me. Like I genuinely don't understand what that would feel like in my body. And I really wanted to level set and meet everyone where they're at of like, hey, let's dispel this myth that like, I'm on this mountaintop and I'm just this guru. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. I was her. I wrote this for her. I was the hot mess because I think for a lot of us, we genuinely, like I know I asked myself for a long time, why am I like this? What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? What is happening? And the reason I actually wanted to play on the words was because I could tell you why. I can tell everybody why, right?

If you talk for long enough and you start to understand and you know the right questions to ask, you could start to figure it out and put the puzzle pieces together. But really it's less because when we ask why we intellectualize and we're trying to stay so much in our head, but I know you and I are very big into the nervous system and the body and it's like, but what's really important is to start to understand like, how does this feel? What does this remind me of? Because just because I'm, you know, especially if we're talking dating, if I'm dating somebody, the person might not be exactly like my dad. It might not be to that creepy level. Maybe they're shorter or taller, right? It's not that. But how I felt was very reminiscent. And it wasn't until I stopped to say, I'm repeating patterns. Well, of course, I'm repeating patterns because my brain is a predictive machine and my brain is designed to keep me safe but not help me grow.

So now what do I do with it? And what I do with it is acknowledge honestly what happened to me and understand that that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us. It wasn't your fault that it happened, but now it is our responsibility to work through it.