End of the World (Live from the Comedy Store)

Joey Diaz (0:07)

Yes, yes, yes.

Joe Rogan (0:08)

The Machine, ladies and gentlemen.

I almost married him in the early 2000s. If Marilyn Manson wants to come out, he can come out. Bill Burr is here.

Doug Stanhope (0:35)

Because I stutter, Bill Burr just got bumped for Kreischer.

Joe Rogan (0:50)

Joey Diaz is coming.

Doug Stanhope (0:52)

You told me.

Joe Rogan (0:56)

We're watching.

Greg's gonna start drinking tonight. It's over.

Doug Stanhope (1:11)

Rogan, this is all I have. All I have is a fake smile and an opener.

Joe Rogan (1:20)

You wrote something?

Doug Stanhope (1:21)

No, this is a text I sent to you last week. When I was at, I thought, the worst day of my life until today. And I came to town to try to organize this. And I don't know what the f... I can't live stream.

So this is what I sent to Rogan. At the depths of what I thought was the worst hangover ever.

Joe Rogan (1:51)

We're all adults, folks. This is bullshit.

Even worrying about this is bullshit. We're about to elect a guy with cotton candy hair.

Doug Stanhope (2:01)

This is what I wrote to Rogan a week ago. Hang on, I got a date right here. I wrote a lot of shit.

I'm in a serious panic mode and really want to bail on it. Meaning this.

I think it's a great idea, but I have no idea how to organize it, and it's so close. The Comedy Store gave us the day, and I don't want to fuck them over, but I don't know how to make this work. I fucked up and don't know how to put it together. I don't want to put all this on you, but I don't want to be the guy responsible for an abortion.

Sam Tripoli (2:37)

But so far only you and a vague Bill Burr have committed.

Doug Stanhope (2:43)

I want to fake a stroke to get out of ruining it.

Sam Tripoli (2:48)

Save me.

Doug Stanhope (2:49)

PS it's been a long week.

SPEAKER_7 (2:53)

Rogan, wait.

Doug Stanhope (2:58)

Rogan very succinctly writes back, well figure, oh fuck. I'll handle it. Don't sweat it. It's nothing. We show up, we drink, I smoke pot, pot we talk, easy.

Fucking Rogan says it's good, it's good.

Jimmy Kimmel (3:22)

Well, I can speak for somebody that wrote on the man show, the two guys. Oh really?

Doug Stanhope (3:29)

Do you still get hate mail from that? The writers, no one.

Jimmy Kimmel (3:33)

No, but I can say there was very little preparation and there was some funny fucking monologues that were on that show.

Joe Rogan (3:40)

We had some fun.

Jimmy Kimmel (3:41)

Yeah. You don't need preparation, man.

Joe Rogan (3:44)

Sometimes you do, like right now.

Doug Stanhope (3:46)

Well, I had that. I had that.

Joe Rogan (3:47)

Feel that? That weird lull?

Bert Kreischer (3:49)

I like that Doug says in the email, I don't want to be the guy responsible for an abortion, but he's totally had abortions that he's paid for.

Joe Rogan (3:59)

Burr Christ, you're bringing it down.

Bert Kreischer (4:07)

I don't want to be the guy responsible for a plethora of abortions.

Doug Stanhope (4:12)

By the way, if you thought this was going to be about the election, no. It's the end of the world either way.

SPEAKER_7 (4:20)

If you guys cared, you wouldn't be here.

Doug Stanhope (4:23)

I do have to do this. Brett Erickson! We do have our breaking news guy. Brett Erickson, fantastic comic, is actually having to watch the CNN coverage.

So if anything actually does matter, he'll run out and be breaking news guy.

Bill Burr (4:45)

He's got a laptop back there and he's watching it.

Do you have any TV screens? Are there any laptops? What are we going to do out there?

It's very hasty. Hastily thrown together. Yet planned for months. You texted me about this easily in August. Easily.

Joe Rogan (5:15)

A year ago, he came up with it.

Bill Burr (5:18)

I realized Doug just says things.

Doug Stanhope (5:20)

I think everyone doesn't like me. When he returned my text, I was scared.

SPEAKER_6 (5:25)

That girl just went, aww.

Joe Rogan (5:27)

That's adorable.

Doug Stanhope (5:29)

Yeah, so there's an election. It doesn't matter.

Joe Rogan (5:33)

It kind of does. What matters the most is that no matter who wins, we're all of us really alike.

I mean, it's not good.

Bert Kreischer (5:45)

You know, if Trump wins...

Joe Rogan (5:46)

When Obama won, didn't you feel like, wow, this is some new shit? A guy who can form full sentences, went to actual schools.