Encore: Guy Fawkes | Gunpowder

Alice Levine (0:00)

Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of British Scandal ad-free right now. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app. Just a warning before we start, this episode contains descriptions of torture, which some listeners may find disturbing.

Okay, Matt, enough's enough. We've talked about it so much. The conditions on this show are just not tenable anymore, so we've got to take action. You, me, we walk out arm in arm into the sunlight, we never look back.

Matt Forde (0:27)

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I agree. I think if you're not happy, you have to...

Alice Levine (0:32)

No, but we're not happy and we're like united together, aren't we?

Matt Forde (0:35)

Oh, yeah, yeah. But, you know, I still think we can, we can, you know, we can reach some sort of deal with the powers that be.

Alice Levine (0:42)

The time for deals, for chit chat, it's over. Now, it's all about decisive action. So on the count of three, me and you, we're out of here.

Matt Forde (0:52)

Okay. On three?

Alice Levine (0:55)

Yeah. One, two.

Matt Forde (0:57)

Hang on. Because this is a big old call. And I agree with everything you said, but I just want to be clear. Can we not just count to ten? I mean, a little time might. No.

Alice Levine (1:08)

One, two.

Matt Forde (1:10)

Actually, if I had an even better idea, you're going to love this.

Alice Levine (1:12)

Right.

Matt Forde (1:13)

How about we just carry on working here and really don't mention it. And that's what they call the long game. That's where we win.

Right.

Alice Levine (1:25)

Five a.m., November the 5th, 1605, London. Guy Fawkes cuts through the back streets of Westminster. His weathered leather boots splash through puddles, sending rats skittering for the shadows. He lowers his lantern to avoid detection, pauses at a crossroads, ears straining.

His fingers tighten on the lantern handle, as he hears footsteps in the distance. His knuckles white beneath his gloves.

Guy springs back as a dog jumps from behind a rotting carcass. He turns and quickens his pace, darts into an alley. Finally, he sees the cellar door. The most beautiful phrase in the English language. That's what they say, isn't it? Cellar door. Is that right? Apparently so.

Matt Forde (2:15)

I think it's nice.

Alice Levine (2:17)

It's all right. It wouldn't even be my top ten, to be honest.

Matt Forde (2:20)

No, a sweet shop.

Alice Levine (2:22)

Are all yours going to be like ham hock, pork chop, sausage meat?

Matt Forde (2:27)

Rump steak, medium rare.

Alice Levine (2:29)

Rump steak is actually really nice.

Matt Forde (2:31)

Triple cooked. Yes.

Alice Levine (2:36)

Guy fumbles with the iron key, inserts it into the rusty lock, twisting gently, starts to panic as it jams until he hears the soft click. Relief washes over him. His footsteps echo on the stone stairs. He breathes deeply, enters the cold damp catacomb. He lifts his lantern, and in the darkness, he can see the 36 barrels hidden beneath stacks of firewood, each filled with enough gunpowder to reduce parliament to rubble. Glancing at his pocket watch, he knows he needs to hurry. He sets to work laying the fuses, fingers trembling as he threads the string dipped in dried gunpowder slurry between the barrels.

Voices, boots on stone, getting closer.

Guy forces himself to focus, his fingers flying faster as he tries to connect the final fuses, but the rough cord bites into his skin and it stings. It doesn't matter, nothing matters but the task at hand. He listens, holds his breath as the voices fade away, then freezes as the cellar door shudders.

Matt Forde (3:49)

Open up, in the name of the king!

Alice Levine (3:55)

Guy's eyes dart around the vault. He glances at the door as the wood starts to splinter. He can hear the ragged breathing of the men on the other side. He stares down at the last fuse in his fingers, swallows hard, pulls the flint from his pocket, sparks a flame. His hand hovers over the tip of the fuse. He knows it will mean certain death.

Suddenly the door comes crashing down with an almighty thud, and armed soldiers flood the cellar. He fixes his feet in place, inches the flame still closer to the fuse, stares into the eyes of the now-hesitant man.

He knows he only has seconds to decide. If he lights the fuse, he may give up his life, but he'll kickstart a revolution that will transform England forever.

SPEAKER_5 (4:57)

This message is brought to you by AppleCard. Ah, fall, that cozy season where we swapped the swimwear for sweaters and sunnies for scarves. But before the Halloween decorations are put away or Thanksgiving table has been set, there's already holly jolly music playing in the grocery store reminding you that the year is coming to a close.