EMERGENCY EPISODE: Candace Owens is Gay - Revealed in Massive Investigation - H3 Show #311

SPEAKER_1 (0:03)

Oh, oh, oh!

Ethan Klein (0:05)

Hey, guys, it's me, Ethan Klein, here. I didn't realize we were going live. Welcome to the show, guys. It's Wednesday, sponsored today by Omaha Steaks.

Today, we got a heck of an episode lined up here. Um, the long-awaited Juggalo video with Reddy, AB, Harley.

AB (0:38)

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Ethan Klein (0:39)

And, uh, well, I'm sorry, what's the guy who's always in the top bunk?

AB (0:43)

Uh, Tyler. You can just call him the patient.

Ethan Klein (0:47)

Patient Zero?

AB (0:48)

Yeah.

Ethan Klein (0:50)

And Tyler, who I really liked in this, by the way. Tyler, I thought you were very funny, and, um, your makeup was cracking me up, man. It was so, it was so bad, but it was so funny. Like, it was so dark around his mouth.

AB (1:03)

Yeah, it was brutal. We didn't, me and him did our own makeup, but we didn't have service at the gathering, so we couldn't even look at reference photos, and it looked like shit.

Ethan Klein (1:12)

Yeah, but I mean, it was fun. It was fine.

SPEAKER_5 (1:13)

He also starred in the movie Jupiter Ascending.

Ethan Klein (1:16)

It's not a high-budget situation over there.

SPEAKER_5 (1:18)

Yeah.

Ethan Klein (1:19)

But, yeah, it's great, so you guys are going to love it. That's coming up.

And then big, big scandal shaking the world of the Internet. Candace Owens, yeah, the ultra conservative.

Dan (1:35)

Emergency, emergency.

Ethan Klein (1:37)

Ultra conservative troll who's been just absolutely, she's been popping off and being absolutely, say we just did a content court on her, so you should know all about her. It just turns out she loves saying fake and gay, but it turns out the only thing fake and gay this whole time was her.

Massive evidence, almost, in my opinion, undeniable.

Dan (1:58)

She found a way to deny it.

Ethan Klein (1:59)

Well, she had, she's about to do an episode about it, which I'm looking forward to.

You guys don't need to watch that. We'll go over it.

Dan (2:06)

We'll summarize.

Ethan Klein (2:07)

Yeah, we'll go over it. And respond, of course.

On Friday. But no, it's fascinating. I'm pretty, I'm almost certain she's gay. Like, I'm almost certain that woman, she is the real carpet muncher, despite we have one in the, what is the 227 copper muncher? What is the full? 13 13

Zach (2:28)

There could be multiple.

Ethan Klein (2:30)

But no, she's the real carpet muncher. No offense.

SPEAKER_6 (2:34)

She doesn't have a number. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_12 (2:35)

What do you mean she's the real one?

Ethan Klein (2:36)

She doesn't have a number.

SPEAKER_6 (2:38)

She doesn't even.

Ethan Klein (2:39)

She doesn't have a number. She's the carpet muncher.

Love (2:42)

You say she's patient zero, you think? And tomorrow's number 13?

Ethan Klein (2:48)

Yeah, I mean, she's not.

SPEAKER_8 (2:48)

The whole wide world.

Ethan Klein (2:49)

Yeah, you're not even close.

SPEAKER_12 (2:51)

Yeah. I wouldn't want to be patient zero.

SPEAKER_8 (2:53)

I fully agree with his statement.

Love (2:57)

And it would mean that you're fucking old.

Ethan Klein (2:59)

OK, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, what is happening? We're already debating Taylor Swift. Here we go.

All right.

Love (3:06)

Somebody carpet munches every three years, every four years.

Ethan Klein (3:13)

And then Kate, of course, would be, I don't know, Kate might be zero or one. She's either zero or one, but we love that for her.

Love (3:19)

Negative one.

SPEAKER_8 (3:19)

I'll ask. She's calling it her. Minus one.

Ethan Klein (3:21)

Yeah.

Dan (3:22)

She's there before it was cool.

Love (3:26)

She was at the carpet before it was cool.

Ethan Klein (3:28)

She sure was.

Dan (3:29)

A prequel.

Ethan Klein (3:30)

She sure was.

Love (3:31)

When it was a rug.

Ethan Klein (3:32)

Well, and then actually there is a really interesting crossover because Kate almost went to school in the same time as Candace.

Dan (3:40)

Not almost.

Ethan Klein (3:40)

Or at the same time. They could have been lesbian lovers.

Dan (3:43)

They went to the same university, believe my understanding.

Ethan Klein (3:46)

At the same time.

Dan (3:47)

At the same time.

Love (3:47)

That would have been so awesome.

Dan (3:50)

Maybe that was the good timeline, and we're stuck here.

Love (3:53)

Imagine society had they crossed paths.

Ethan Klein (3:56)

Well, we'll ask Kate about that. We'll ask her if she thinks she could have fixed her, what that would have meant for the world.

But at any rate, that's what we got. So we got candy with all the receipts. We got juggalos. Tomorrow for members, it's Thursday.