Dusty Slay: A Joke About Vertigo

**Dusty Slay** (0:03)
But I don't feel old like that, you know, I feel good. I feel good, but I did get Vertigo not long ago. I don't know if you guys know what that is, somebody does. And it's like a real old person thing, Vertigo. The main symptom is you just get dizzy. I think that's the only symptom. Physically, you're fine. Just real dizzy, you know. You don't see a lot of young kids with Vertigo. You don't see kids jumping off the merry-go-round and being like, oh, really activated my Vertigo.
Kids like being dizzy. It's fun to them. It's devastating for an adult.
It feels so weak. Like physically, nothing wrong with you, but inside, you're like, oh, I can't stand. Can't even stare at the wall, really. Keeps moving. My friends call me up there like, hey, you want to go out? I'm like, nah, I can't. I'm real dizzy right now. They're like, what happened? I'm like, I don't know. I was just sitting here. And then I got up. After that, I was real dizzy, you know? I went to the doctor about it, and this is a real doctor that I went to. Just want you to know, I didn't go through any doorways made of beads to get there, but...
But he got real mystical with me, you know? He was like, you got these crystals in your ears. And he said, they get lost in there, and they get turned around or whatever, and you'll get re... I'm paraphrasing some, but he said... But apparently, there are crystals in our ears. At least that's what everybody believes, that we all have these crystals in our ears, and that's what's keeping us balanced. They weren't able to present this crystal to me. They didn't x-ray my head and go, you see those crystals there? But that's apparently what's happening. There's crystals in your ear. So this is what I think happened. One time, I was using a Q-tip to clean my ear, and I was really getting at it. Pulled the Q-tip out, there was no more cotton left on the end.
I got too into it, you know? Just pulled out a stick. I was like, that can't be right. So I reached in my ear, and I tried to get it, you know? I tried to pull the cotton out, but I never got the cotton. I guess my ear sucked it up. It's like quicksand in there. So I think when that cotton went down my ear canal, I think my crystal got lodged up in there. And it took it down with it. And I don't know how all this is connected in my brain. You know, I know that one doctor can do the ear, nose and throat, you know? So it must be connected in some way. And one day I'd like to blow my nose and be like, oh, there's that cotton. And pull it out, dig through it, find my crystal, pop it back in. Be like, boom, I'm back, baby.
But until then, I'm just a little bit dizzy, and I have a lot of trouble on a carousel. You know what I mean? I don't know how the ears work. I don't know anything about the ears, but I fly a lot, and every time I fly, it feels like the pressure from the plane crushes my ear tubes. And then I have to hold my nose and blow, and it re-inflates the tubes. I don't know if that's what happens, but that's what it feels like has happened. And I can't breathe out of my ears, right? I know that none of us can do that. That's not something weird with me. I know that none of us can do that. But what I'm saying is I think I'm close to being able to do it. I think I'm just four or five of these away from popping that tube, and then I'm just getting fresh air in through the ears. And that's something I want. That is something I want. I want to be hard to suffocate.
You gotta have four hands to get me.
You want to do it with a pillow? It's gotta be a body pillow. You gotta wrap it all the way around. Tie it up. I want to get kidnapped, and they go, We can't suffocate this guy. Let him go. Let him go.
That is something I want. That's something I'm into. Watch Dusty Slay, Wet Heat, only on Netflix.