Dr. Shefali Tsabary On Raising Emotionally Strong Kids, Breaking Generational Cycles & The Parenting Mistakes We Don't Realize We're Making

**Lauryn Bosstick** (0:00)
Attention, all parents. Today, we are joined by Dr. Shefali. She is the founder of the Conscious Parenting Movement. And in this episode, you are going to learn about how to raise children who feel confident, authentic, and emotionally resilient. Let's welcome Dr. Shefali to The Bossticks.

**Michael Bosstick** (0:20)
Welcome to The Bossticks.
Starring Lauryn Bosstick and Michael Bosstick. Together, they are The Bossticks.

**Lauryn Bosstick** (0:33)
Welcome to the show.

**Shefali Tsabary** (0:34)
Thank you for having me.

**Lauryn Bosstick** (0:36)
So we're so excited to have you. I was perusing Instagram and I get served all the parenting content because that's what I like to focus on, on Instagram. Because if I'm going to be on there, I have to be learning.

**Shefali Tsabary** (0:46)
I feel purposeful.

**Lauryn Bosstick** (0:47)
Right. And you popped up and I was like, oh my gosh, I have to have this woman on the show.
Screenshotted you to my team, sent it in and here you are.

**Michael Bosstick** (0:55)
I sent clips around.

**Lauryn Bosstick** (0:56)
Yeah, I sent the clips. So I like to do the thing that everyone likes to do, is I like to passively, aggressively.

**Shefali Tsabary** (1:02)
I know. Suggest to your partner to take a look.

**Lauryn Bosstick** (1:06)
Yes. Okay, let's just start with this to kick it off. What has been your most viral clip about parenting where people just went wild?

**Shefali Tsabary** (1:14)
I think one of them, I mean, quite a few, but one of them was when I said I regretted giving my daughter a phone at the age of 12 Now, my daughter is 23, so when I gave her a phone, we were so excited. We're like, oh my God, this is an amazing thing to give your kids and their mind is going to explode. We didn't realize what we now realize about social media. So I talked about my deep regret.
I co-created an addict and I felt so bad about it and so many parents resonated, especially parents of my generation, because we truly were the first generation of parents who were doing analog and then we did digital.

**Michael Bosstick** (1:53)
We had Jonathan Haidt on the show and I feel sorry for your generation and for that perspective because you guys had, you were the first ones that had to figure out and none of us knew.

**Shefali Tsabary** (2:05)
None of you knew and now we are rallying the wake up call and that's why I've written my new books because we went into it so innocently, so excitedly thinking we're giving our children a gift. We didn't realize what was behind the trap. And I feel so taken and played in a way that now I've made it a mission, just like Jonathan has, to educate and make parents aware. It's one thing for parents to feel nervous and anxious, but it's another thing for them to know what to do instead. And that's why I decided to write these two new books, to give them a play by play, to give them a blueprint to raise conscious children.

**Lauryn Bosstick** (2:45)
But if it's not the phone, it's something else. And what do I mean by that? I mean, I'll give you an example. When I just learned that putting a baby in a walker, like one of those walker things, is horrible for their hips. And I'm like, fuck, I did that with my first born daughter. I put her in one of those walker things. I feel guilty for that. Another example is, you know, my grandma smoked when my dad was in his stomach. She feels guilty for that. So my point is, is it's like, sometimes it feels, as parents, that we're constantly guilty for something.
Do you not feel like that?

**Shefali Tsabary** (3:17)
Yeah. So it's not about being guilty or trying to get it perfect. It's trying to just understand the forces that are playing your kid as much as you can. But it does feel like playing catch up. And it does feel like you can't take a breath. And it does feel like you should be teaching them how to ski backwards right now.
And a seventh language right now, doesn't it? It's just, it's this insane, perfectionistic culture we're living in where we're never going to get it right. It's impossible. But that's why I teach conscious parenting, because I teach parents, don't fall for the BS that the matrix tells you that your kid needs to be happy and polite and obedient and pretty and fit in and be at the Ivy Leagues. Don't fall for it. It's a trap that will keep you swirling and keep you disconnected.