Dr. Mike on Culture, Criticism, and Clear Communication | AMA Vol. 23

Michael Gervais (0:01)

Culture is behavioral. Culture is the artifact of the relationships that we have. Love your process more. Lead and show what it feels like to love the unfolding. The simplest way to think about the format is input and output. Our job is to be connected to the inputs, to be masterful with the inputs. The outputs will take care of themselves.

Welcome back or welcome to another Ask Me Anything on Finding Mastery. I'm your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. And the purpose behind these conversations, behind these AMAs, is to hear from you, to explore the questions that you've been wrestling with on your path to becoming. Joining me once again is my friend and co-host, O'Neil cespedes. And in today's conversation, we explore how to navigate the tension between staying grounded and pushing your limits, how leaders define and grow an organization's culture, the forming, storming, norming, and performing model in team building, the power of showing, not telling, when guiding young athletes, turning negative noise into positive action, how to tell a loved one you need more space, and so much more. And with that, let's jump right into Vol. 23 of Finding Mastery's Ask Me Anything. Okay, O'Neil, this is a highlight for me to be able to do this with you. We're here, we're back. I'm looking forward to rolling up my sleeves with you because I've said this before, and I'm not sure how exactly it played, but I'm kind of in one of those moods. So I just kind of want to get to it.

O'Neil Cespedes (1:37)

Okay, well, I mean, last time you were in those moods, we had a great show, so I welcome these moods.

Michael Gervais (1:42)

Please chin check me if it's a little too strong, but you know, there's just been a lot happening.

O'Neil Cespedes (1:48)

Like what? If you don't want me asking.

Michael Gervais (1:49)

Okay, so we all have a lot of balls in the air, a lot of plates that are spinning, you know, but that's not the thing. It's when there's a lack of clarity that my default is to increase worry. It's all working. Everything's really good. I love the unknown, but when there's not clarity about how things are actually materially going, my default is really clear.

O'Neil Cespedes (2:14)

Okay, I want to make sure because we might be on the same page here. What's your default?

Michael Gervais (2:19)

No, that's like an anxiousness. So I check and I check and I check. Okay, how's that going? How's that going? And wait, has that happened? So I get really busy internally when that happens. It's a double-edged sword because that keeps me sharp. It keeps me on it. Like it helps me be on that edge. But at the same time, sometimes I'm just like, listen, there's no art. Let's get right to it. So today I'm kind of in that mood.

O'Neil Cespedes (2:44)

All right. Really fast. Two things. I relate to you somewhat on that and I want to speak gingerly when I say that because as of late last week, I've been saying that to people when they tell me something that's going on with them and then I've been told, oh, you're making this about you. I want to talk about my issue. I don't need to tell you all my- Where's Kaisa? To my left.

I didn't say your name. He did.

Michael Gervais (3:10)

No, because listen, our partners are, if we're fortunate enough to have a partner that's a truth teller, and they hold up a mirror and they can see you, it's a great gift though.

O'Neil Cespedes (3:22)

Yeah.

Michael Gervais (3:23)

I was sharing this yesterday. We had an extraordinary guest. She's been through it and she went after one of the largest industry companies, industry that she's in. She went after it. She's a dragon slayer as well. And her greatest weapon, she's one person going against a titan. And she was on the podcast. Flat out, her greatest weapon, if you will, to go fight the largest dragon in her industry. One person against a complete industry titan as a corporation. And she won. And so I have such regard and respect for when an individual works with honesty. So those that can hold up the mirrors for themselves, Brad, and those of us that really value other people holding up mirrors as well, I don't know another way to get to honesty. And so I cherish those folks.

O'Neil Cespedes (4:16)

Yeah, I'm trying to say it's a painful, thorn bush-filled road. It is.

Michael Gervais (4:21)

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And that idea that like, if I say to you, oh my good, I just got, like, I got to talk. I just got in a heavy car accident. And then you go, oh, I feel you. I got in a car accident, too. It was like three years ago. And boy, I should have you seen my bumper? I still haven't.