DAILY SHOW: Him And His Tiny Raccoon Hands | The Rizzuto Comedy Podcast

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements.

SPEAKER_2 (0:44)

The Rizzuto Show Podcast, powered by Dobbs.

Rafe (0:47)

Dobbs Tire and Auto Centers are hiring now with 42 stores.

SPEAKER_2 (0:50)

Apply at gotodobbs.com today.

Rafe (0:53)

All right, let's hit it.

Rizz (0:55)

Little listener discretion is advised.

Oh, Lord. Yeah, this was a busy week. It's all around. At home, at work. Also, this is the last summer weekend.

Lern (1:33)

Yeah, fall's next week.

Moon (1:35)

That's good to hear.

Rizz (1:35)

Fall starts next week. But here's the thing, I'm looking at the forecast. So today, hot. What are these PM thunderstorms supposed to roll in?

Moon (1:45)

Let me check. In the evening. Give me an hourly.

Rizz (1:47)

Give me an hourly, please.

Moon (1:48)

An hourly? Golly, he asks so much of me.

Rizz (1:52)

Today 97, tomorrow 97, Sunday 91, Monday 78

Let's go. I think this is it, guys.

SPEAKER_7 (1:59)

Please, God.

Moon (2:01)

This is it for the pool, for sure.

Rizz (2:02)

I think this is it for the 90s stuff. Or at least the high 90s.

Lern (2:06)

Can't deal with it anymore. I was outside yesterday just going, screw this, like all my plants are like, I get home and they're like, we're so dry.

Rizz (2:14)

Like summer is just gonna take it up to the last moment.

Lern (2:17)

Yeah.

Rizz (2:18)

Gonna make us pay. Oh, it's gonna be hot. And then fall rolls in and it's gonna be nice.

Lern (2:23)

Yeah, and then, like normal. Hopefully, and we get a lot of fall, probably not, fingers crossed. But then winter is going to be insane, I hear, because of the El Ninos.

Rizz (2:31)

Oh, God.

Lern (2:32)

So prepare yourselves, pals.

SPEAKER_9 (2:33)

The El Ninos? The El Ninos.

Lern (2:35)

We need these snowmobiles, like the Shining.

Rizz (2:38)

Oh, God.

Moon (2:39)

This precipitation ain't no big deal.

Rizz (2:42)

We got a homecoming parade and a homecoming game tonight.

Rafe (2:45)

Plus 36% at 6 p.m. Oh, is your daughter's homecoming tomorrow?

Rizz (2:49)

Yeah.

Lern (2:50)

I can't wait.

Rafe (2:51)

I'm so excited.

Rizz (2:52)

Oh, she was trying on dresses last night, shoes, there's a whole thing.

Lern (2:55)

She's going to look so cute.

Rizz (2:56)

It was a fashion show, and I'm always scared of giving an honest opinion.

Lern (3:02)

Yeah, don't.

SPEAKER_9 (3:03)

I know. Don't just shut up. I know.

Lern (3:06)

Just let it be between her friends and her mom. Don't be doing whatever. What would you have said?

You're going to be like, this is a bit too short? This, what, are we doing the dad thing?

Rizz (3:15)

Like everything looked great. Honestly, don't bother me.

Lern (3:19)

Okay, great.

Rizz (3:19)

Don't bother me with asking my opinion.

Lern (3:22)

Are they short or long dresses?

Rizz (3:24)

Short.

Lern (3:24)

Yeah, see, and when I was back in the, back in our day, it was long. Everybody did long homecoming dresses and prom dresses. And now these little biscuits, they're like short little mini dresses.

Rizz (3:35)

And here we go. Old Rizz, great husband that he is, made a mistake last night. What'd you do? Here we go.

Daughter walks in with a tight black dress for homecoming. Fine. Honey, you look great.

Lern (3:47)

Look great.

Rizz (3:49)

Now, we have a wedding to go to tomorrow night. And it's outside.

Lern (3:52)

Yeah.

Rizz (3:53)

And it's gonna be hot.

Lern (3:54)

It's gonna be, yeah.

Rizz (3:55)

It's gonna be hot. So, my wife goes, oh, man, that dress would be perfect for the wedding tomorrow. And I go, there's no way you're fitting in that.

Lern (4:05)

Oh, God.

Rafe (4:07)

What are we doing?

Moon (4:09)

What are we doing?

Lern (4:12)

Your wife is nitty-bitty as well. How dare you?

SPEAKER_10 (4:16)

And single.

Moon (4:17)

Hey, God, she's divorced you.

Lern (4:19)

Line up, fellas.

Moon (4:21)

Nice.

Lern (4:22)

What are you saying?

Moon (4:26)

You really tickled yourself.

Rizz (4:27)

I guess it was my tone that really did it.

Lern (4:29)

And also, like, your daughter is, like, a double zero.

SPEAKER_9 (4:33)

Right, she's tiny.

Lern (4:34)

But so your wife is tiny too.

Rizz (4:37)

I was like, there ain't no way you're fitting in that.

Devin (4:39)

Oh, jeez. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_9 (4:41)

Did you sleep in a separate room?

SPEAKER_7 (4:42)

Please, leave me alone.

Rizz (4:45)

Leave me alone. I was already ready for bed. I was, I shut my, everything was shut down.

Moon (4:52)