DAILY SHOW: Heartbroken Three Year Old On Line Four | The Rizzuto Comedy Podcast

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Little listener discretion is advised. Rizzuto.

I just put my hand in something greasy and I have nothing greasy.

SPEAKER_5 (1:17)

No. You mean you'll get a wet wipe for it?

SPEAKER_6 (1:23)

All of our surprise, you laughed about it instead of lost your mind.

SPEAKER_5 (1:27)

That would be you, man. If your hands were sticky, you couldn't do this show.

SPEAKER_6 (1:30)

Is it sticky or just wet?

SPEAKER_3 (1:31)

It's just greasy. What is that? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_5 (1:35)

A WD-40?

SPEAKER_6 (1:37)

I don't know.

Rafe Williams (1:37)

You want a lens wipe? Wipe your little fingers off?

SPEAKER_2 (1:40)

No, it's fine. This is how you build immunity.

SPEAKER_5 (1:44)

You're going to get it everywhere.

SPEAKER_2 (1:45)

I think it's gone.

SPEAKER_5 (1:46)

Wipe it on your pants like a real man.

SPEAKER_2 (1:49)

Okay. Did it.

SPEAKER_5 (1:51)

That's the one thing about sharing a studio. Like, every time I go into the KC Studio, because I run the board, it's like I have to wipe everything down in there because things get so damn gross.

SPEAKER_2 (2:01)

You know, I'm trying to convince them to build us a new studio just for us. Uh-huh.

Sweet.

SPEAKER_5 (2:07)

Nobody's got time or money for that.

SPEAKER_2 (2:12)

Well, we could fire like four people and then.

SPEAKER_8 (2:14)

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_2 (2:16)

We could just fire four people and just get a whole new studio. It's fine.

SPEAKER_9 (2:19)

We can get a good deal on the RV.

Rafe Williams (2:20)

That's the kind of ra-ra attitude I like around this place.

SPEAKER_5 (2:24)

You look so ridiculous right now.

SPEAKER_2 (2:26)

It's Wig Week, Rafe. Looking good in your Slash wig today.

Rafe Williams (2:29)

I believe it is a Slash wig, yes. And it's hot. I can tell you that.

SPEAKER_5 (2:35)

So hot.

Rafe Williams (2:36)

I couldn't believe how...

SPEAKER_2 (2:37)

Now hot like, man, I look hot.

Rafe Williams (2:40)

Sometimes it's both. Hot like it says it's 76 degrees in our studio, and it is.

SPEAKER_2 (2:46)

Well, listen, when we get our own studio, climate control.

Rafe Williams (2:51)

I want a window unit.

SPEAKER_2 (2:52)

Climate control.

SPEAKER_5 (2:54)

I want my entire seat to be heated. I want heated seats.

SPEAKER_2 (2:56)

We'll get it all, man. Oh, heated seats, five people fired.

SPEAKER_5 (3:00)

Shoot.

SPEAKER_2 (3:04)

Heated seats, what do you want? Come on, new studio.

SPEAKER_3 (3:06)

What do you want, man?

SPEAKER_6 (3:06)

I want a little mini-fridge.

SPEAKER_3 (3:08)

Mini-fridge, done.

SPEAKER_6 (3:09)

That's built in under my chair so it rolls where I roll.

SPEAKER_2 (3:12)

Done.

SPEAKER_5 (3:13)

And you need that, too, for your overnight oats.

SPEAKER_6 (3:15)

Yeah, I got all my stuff over here.

SPEAKER_2 (3:17)

Rafe, we'll have a wig closet just for you.

Rafe Williams (3:20)

Yeah, I can't wait.

SPEAKER_5 (3:21)

That's what his desk looks like. You look like the backstage area of the costume department of SNL on your desk right now. All of your characters are just lying.

SPEAKER_2 (3:28)

They're all there.

SPEAKER_5 (3:30)

It's great.

Rafe Williams (3:30)

Keep them here for a reason, days like today.

SPEAKER_5 (3:33)

Yeah.

SPEAKER_2 (3:33)

Scott, what do you want in the new studio?

SPEAKER_9 (3:35)

A zero-gravity massage chair?

SPEAKER_2 (3:36)

Done.

SPEAKER_3 (3:36)

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_5 (3:38)

What do you want?

SPEAKER_6 (3:39)

An IV drips.

SPEAKER_9 (3:40)

Yeah, with wheels on that chair.

SPEAKER_2 (3:42)

What do I want? To put my hand down and not be greasy.

SPEAKER_3 (3:45)

Oh, wow. Man of the people.

SPEAKER_2 (3:46)

To little things.

SPEAKER_6 (3:47)

You ask too much.

SPEAKER_9 (3:48)

Do you want a lock on your door or something?

SPEAKER_2 (3:50)

A lock on the door?

SPEAKER_3 (3:51)

Yeah, so no one could come in your studio?

SPEAKER_6 (3:53)

They took that away because of Eulet.

SPEAKER_2 (3:55)

Yeah.

SPEAKER_5 (3:57)

What do you want over there?

SPEAKER_2 (3:58)

I don't know.

SPEAKER_5 (3:59)

You want a partition so you don't have to deal with us directly? No, I would never.

SPEAKER_2 (4:03)

I'd like to look everybody in the eyes.

SPEAKER_5 (4:05)

Well, you could be see-through.

SPEAKER_2 (4:06)

A see-through?

SPEAKER_3 (4:07)

Yeah, just like a plate glass.

SPEAKER_5 (4:08)

You would be like Robin Quivers on The Stern Show in your own little room. That's what Scott is.

Rafe Williams (4:12)