DAILY PODCAST: Oh My God A Buttless Raccoon | The Rizzuto Comedy Show

**Scott Rizzuto** (0:14)
The Rizzuto Show Podcast, powered by Dobbs.

**Lern** (0:17)
Dobbs Tire and Auto Centers are hiring now with 42 stores.

**Scott Rizzuto** (0:20)
Apply at gotodobbs.com today.

**Moon** (0:23)
All right, let's hit it.

**Rafe** (0:25)
Little listener discretion is advised.

**Scott** (0:32)
Verudo.

**Lern** (0:48)
Let's go.

**Rafe** (0:49)
It's supposed to rain today.

**Lern** (0:51)
We need the rain.

**Rafe** (0:52)
We know we need it.

**Lern** (0:53)
Yeah, what time?

**Moon** (0:54)
What time are we looking at?

**Rafe** (0:55)
I think around 2 o'clock.

**Lern** (0:56)
To be real, I'm cool with it.

**Rafe** (0:58)
Wow, what do you gotta do outside?

**Moon** (0:59)
I got family stuff, and my mama Moon comes up to swim every Friday in the 3 o'clock hour.

**Lern** (1:06)
Well, she gonna be swimming in the rain, y'all.

**Rafe** (1:07)
It's getting wet either way.

**Rafe** (1:09)
I feel like it has rained.

**Lern** (1:12)
Oh, the rain. This summer.

**Bill Ryder** (1:14)
The water was cold.

**Lern** (1:15)
Are we in her house?

**Rafe** (1:18)
Yes, Rafe.

**Rafe** (1:19)
I forgot.

**Rafe** (1:19)
Mama Moon is swimming.

**Rafe** (1:21)
I interrupted her high diving. I feel bad.

**Moon** (1:26)
It's a can opener.

**Rafe** (1:31)
Yes. Yes, Rafe. No, I'm out.

**Rafe** (1:34)
I'll see you at 730

**Lern** (1:37)
Oh.

**Rafe** (1:45)
Continue, Rafe, please.

**Rafe** (1:47)
I'm just gonna say curse words.
Ready? Finger on the button.

**Lern** (1:51)
No.

**Bill Ryder** (1:51)
Five, four, three, two, one.

**Rafe** (1:53)
It's I don't give a... Fry it out. Oh, that's illegal still?

**Lern** (1:59)
Yeah, once they have to see you gonna just be like, screw it, you guys can do whatever you want.

**Rafe** (2:02)
I don't think ever.

**Lern** (2:03)
Oh, dude, this would be the time.

**Rafe** (2:05)
Now's the time.

**Lern** (2:06)
Now is the time.

**Rafe** (2:06)
Well, fine, we'll take it to a podcast and then we could say whatever we want.

**Lern** (2:09)
Like, we have a president who cusses all the time.

**Scott** (2:11)
Now is the time.

**Rafe** (2:12)
Oh, it's licensed to?

**Lern** (2:13)
Oh, okay. Let's go.

**Scott** (2:13)
And if the government shuts down, is that agency shut down?

**Rafe** (2:16)
No, they're always working.
They love working. They'll even do it without pay.

**Scott** (2:23)
Those guys are awesome.

**Rafe** (2:25)
You got outdoor activities today? Who's upset about the rain?

**Rafe** (2:28)
You?

**Lern** (2:29)
Clean your house Friday, dude.

**Rafe** (2:30)
No, I'm just, I feel like it just rained a lot this summer. I just feel like it's been, I feel like every Monday and Friday, it rains for some reason. I get my allergy shots on Monday and every time I'm sitting in the waiting room at 11 o'clock down there, I feel like a typhoon blows through.

**Moon** (2:47)
I do have to work outside a little bit today. It wasn't planned like that, but speaking of the pool, yesterday, I needed to put a little bit of water in it. I was showing, I got no trees.

**Rafe** (2:57)
Let God do it for you.

**Moon** (2:58)
Well, right.
I got no trees back there, so now the pool is heating up naturally with sunlight, but it's evaporating a little bit quicker. So I needed to put in some water. So I turned the hose on and then we started Bags Against the Machine rehearsal.

**Rafe** (3:11)
You forgot?

**Moon** (3:12)
Brother, this morning, I was taking my vitamins, getting ready to get in the car, and I'm like, what the heck is that sound, man? What is that sound?

**Rafe** (3:20)
Oh, was it the water going over the walls?

**Moon** (3:22)
Dude, I'm walking around the house going, who left a fan on? Because every person in my family leaves a bathroom fan on. And I was like, it doesn't sound like a fan. It must be from the basement. And I went, oh, no!
I left the hose on, full blast. And I went outside and you couldn't even hear the water, which means where the end of the hose was was now under water. And I went out there and it is at the concrete. It's completely...

**Rafe** (3:49)
Well, tell your mother to do some cannonballs and get that water out of there. Let's go.

**Moon** (3:53)
I'm gonna have to get rid of it, but I panicked. I thought I was filling the creek.

**Rafe** (3:57)
Everybody grab a bucket.

**Moon** (3:59)
I thought it was gonna be overflowing. I was this close. If I had left it on this morning, it would have been overflowing.

**Rafe** (4:04)
It would have spilled over. Crisis averted.

**Moon** (4:06)
Well, except for who knows what the bill is gonna be.