Chapter 45: The Builder

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

Today's episode is brought to you by four top threes. Ever wonder how people from different corners of the world see the exact same thing completely differently? That's what makes four top threes such a blast to listen to. So picture this. Four friends from Germany, the Philippines, Britain, Iceland, and the USA, get together every month to debate their top three picks on totally random topics. Disney movies, most addictive songs, comfort foods, whatever. And because they all come from different countries and cultures, what seems obvious to one person is absolutely wild to another. I got to listen to a few episodes and I got really invested in how invested people get about the most mundane things in the world. If you're looking for something fun, light, and genuinely entertaining, just search for four top threes. That's F-O-U-R-T-O-P-T-H-R-E-E-S spelled out. Anywhere you listen to podcasts.

SPEAKER_2 (0:59)

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SPEAKER_1 (1:29)

Last season on Midnight Burger, rolling along, singing a song, side by side.

SPEAKER_3 (1:36)

What the?

SPEAKER_1 (1:41)

The diner finds itself under attack.

SPEAKER_4 (1:43)

Again?

SPEAKER_1 (1:44)

But by who? It turns out, it's this guy.

SPEAKER_3 (1:47)

Kill them.

SPEAKER_1 (1:47)

Who has an entire evil empire of these guys. Croc the Propagator is his name and Universal Domination is his game. And his plan all starts in Cryptessia, a galaxy that he has populated with planet after planet of lab-grown earthlings, where he tests out the best way to control the minds of everyone he dominates, like Fiona.

SPEAKER_6 (2:11)

Hi there!

SPEAKER_1 (2:11)

Also wrapped up in it all are Croc's three daughters.

SPEAKER_6 (2:14)

My name is Kazi.

SPEAKER_1 (2:16)

That was my sister Tita.

SPEAKER_7 (2:17)

She's about to get our other sister, Libuza.

SPEAKER_1 (2:19)

They're pretty intense.

SPEAKER_8 (2:21)

All of our people are prisoners. We don't know where they are. I led them all here. They're all trapped out there because of me.

SPEAKER_7 (2:26)

You should come up to my lab sometime, Caspar. I'll grow you a fucking spine.

Allison Shoemaker (2:30)

Heads up! Edible arrangements? This is a fucking robbery!

SPEAKER_1 (2:34)

After an intense game of cat and mouse across Cryptessia, the diner finds itself in the clutches of Croc.

Tom Moorman (2:39)

Goddamn, this guy absolutely fucked us. It's like he knows the diner better than we do.

SPEAKER_1 (2:44)

And in a move that some have called Banana Pan's Crazy Town Nuts-O, Gloria, Ava, Caspar and Leif sacrifice themselves so that others may continue the fight. Leif!

Tom Moorman (2:55)

Sorry, pal.

SPEAKER_1 (2:55)

Leif, what the fuck are you?

Now, separated by the vastness of the multiverse, how will our heroes find their way back to the fight against Croc? Top off your coffee and feed the cat. Season 5 of Midnight Burger is here. Let's start the shift.

SPEAKER_8 (3:19)

Once upon a time. There was a builder. The Builder had lost his workshop, lost his tools, lost his way.

He wandered on icy plains on a distant planet.

SPEAKER_11 (4:07)

Oh, had to be a fucking ice giant, huh?

SPEAKER_8 (4:12)

There's death by fire and death by ice. Both are merciless, but at least fire is quick. Ice takes its time. Ice slowly creeps in. Ice gives you time, time to regret, time to fear, and the worst of it, time to hope.

The Builder had no choice but to hope.

SPEAKER_12 (4:47)

Okay, Leif, at least get out of the wind.

SPEAKER_8 (4:56)

It was a strange magic that brought him to this frozen land. He had been banished, but his banishment could only occur in a place he had touched in the past. For all of us, how many places could that be? So few of us move from place to place all our lives. But for The Builder, there were few stars in the sky he hadn't touched at least once. As far as he knew, he could be anywhere.

The Builder took shelter in the shadow of a cliff by an icy sea. Shelter from the wind would postpone his death, but extend his misery.

Tom Moorman (5:50)

Really regretting my decision to have visited so many shitty planets over the course of my life.

Caspar probably landed in Bakersfield. Give my right lung to be in fucking Bakersfield right now.