Buzz Lightyear is an American Hero

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

Coming to you live from the Broski Nation Headquarters, it's The Broski Report from your host, Brittany Broski! To infinity and beyond!

Brittany Broski (0:30)

Welcome back to The Broski Report.

SPEAKER_3 (0:32)

It's me, your guest host, Buzz Lightyear.

And when I say beyond, honey, I mean beyond. And when I say beyond, I do mean beyond gender norms.

Brittany Broski (0:44)

Because I'm not joking, every time I get rid of my hair for whatever comedic purpose, I do feel gender euphoria. And by the way, I just realized the light above me is not on, so I'm going to turn it on.

Don't look at my body.

Welcome back to The Broski Report. Seriously, guys, and what a welcome back it is. What do you think Buzz Lightyear's politics were? Do you think that he supports open carry? Do you think that he would have been a right-wing voter? Or do you think because this understanding he's an international space traveler, he's probably seen some shit, does he work for the United States government? Probably, ultimately. Is he a part of Space Force? Probably. Okay. Is he subject to the every whim of the Department of Defense Chief Officer? The Chief of the Department of Defense? Yes.

SPEAKER_4 (1:41)

Okay.

SPEAKER_3 (1:42)

He is a pawn of the DOD.

Brittany Broski (1:44)

However, in my fantasy, I choose to believe that Buzz Lightyear is a force for good.

SPEAKER_4 (1:51)

Okay?

Brittany Broski (1:52)

Because all geopolitical signs point to him being kind of a right wing puppet. But not in my universe. Okay? Not in mine. Not in mine. I do believe that he would have cried during the National Anthem. But there is this weird gray area of like, you know, you work for space and then sometimes you're a little bit too American. Okay? You work for space. You've seen things beyond all human grasp, and you're still a little bit American.

So that's kind of the give or take there.

Okay.

SPEAKER_4 (2:25)

I'm kind of, happy Halloween.

Brittany Broski (2:28)

I'm of the opinion that July 31st, like into August 1, August 1 is Halloween 1st. That is how I do it in my house, in my Christian house. We celebrate Halloween on August 1st. And I just really feel that like, the closer I get to 30, and yeah, I'm sweating, and yeah, Buzz Lightyear's tits are sweating. Ever heard of it, honey? Yeah, Buzz Lightyear has tits sweat. Yeah, there's moisture accumulating under his breasts. And yeah, there's a big fucking hole in my shirt somewhere. Where is it?

Oh, my wings are hiding it. I have a huge hole in this shirt that, like you can fully like stick your arm through it.

I do believe that, what the hell was I gonna say? Oh, happy freaking Halloween. Yeah, I do celebrate the season starting Aug 1

One Aug to one Nov. I really am doing Halloween. And I don't mean that in like a freaking bats Halloween, like millennial. Oh, that's what I was gonna say. I really feel myself, the closer I get to 30 being pulled towards that. Like I understand it. I understand, it's like the dark side.

SPEAKER_4 (3:37)

I'm like, no, please not me.

SPEAKER_6 (3:39)

Don't cover me.

SPEAKER_4 (3:40)

Don't cover me. Please, I've been so good.

Brittany Broski (3:43)

It's like freaking bats. I love Halloween.

Just millennial Halloween shit. I'm at the store and I see like two ghosts like cheers and wine glasses.

SPEAKER_4 (3:52)

I'm like, how cute.

Brittany Broski (3:54)

I'm at TJ Maxx and it's that the, you know that design. I'll put it up here. It's hard to describe. It's that specific artist. And I know this because I'm on fucking TJ Maxx YouTube.

I don't shop at TJ Maxx that much. I'm just, this is what I watch on YouTube. It's like relationship content creators and their whole tea. I watch, just because that's so tea, like you can never take that back. You know what I mean? Then I watch like over consumption stuff, which is really inspiring for me. I really like absorb all that. And that's how I absorb the TJ Maxx stuff. Is this girl made this video. She was like, And the thing about TJ Maxx is that all of these artists, independent artists, TJ Maxx dupes.

SPEAKER_6 (4:39)

The dupes.

Brittany Broski (4:40)

And it is a shittier, hollower version of what the true art is. And I'm literally like doing crafts in my bed, like so fucking true. Cause it is. It's so evil. It's really evil. Anywhere there's this one specific like Halloween designer.

I don't know her fucking name, but shout out. And it's this kind of spooky, crazy, creepy, like orange and black cat, almost like a Cheshire cat type. And yeah, you know, I'm in, I'm in TJ Maxx and I'm like that's adorable. That's adorable. So just trust me, I am, you know, the closer you get to 30, the more millennial coded you are. I don't know what people were doing at 30 before millennials dropped. When God dropped millennials, I don't know how people celebrated Halloween in a meaningful way. Because I really just feel like millennials have their finger on the pulse of holidays, of capitalism, you know, like there's never been maybe other than like boomers, well, and Gen X, people who have just done capitalism the way that they want you to, you know, and the beautiful thing about this Buzz Lightyear costume is it sits right above my, like it doesn't cover my chest. It covers like the area right before my chest. Because, you know, I ultimately have mammaries. There are not, you know, it's not boobs. It's not sexual organs. Well, they are sexual organs in the fact that they are mammaries. It's not like, oh, and her titties are sitting just right. Oh, and her titties sitting, okay, yitty sitting just, no.