Bradley Wiggins: The Trauma Behind My Greatest Successes & Finding New Purpose

**Bradley Wiggins** (0:02)
I very much think that I played a caricature when I was, you know, in my famous years, if you like, in order to hide my deep-rooted insecurity and self-worth issues. But the contradiction was, I could go up and execute Olympic finals like that. I was in a very dark place, in a very dark room for many days. I wouldn't change any of my journey up to this point, because it's what we do with the things that happen to us, that shape us, that make us the people we are. There's no time like the present to start being the person you want to be.

**Damian Hughes** (0:30)
Every so often, a conversation comes along on this podcast, that you find yourself consistently going back to. This is one of them. Bradley Wiggins is one of the most decorated athletes this country has ever produced. Eight Olympic medals, five of them gold. And in 2012, he became the first Briton ever to win the Tour de France. For one summer, he was the most famous man in Britain.
When Brad sat down with Jake and I, he told us what that had actually cost him. He spoke really candidly about the father who left him when he was one and a half, and then walked back into his life when he was 19, and then was murdered before the two of them ever finally made peace. He spoke around the coach who sexually abused him between the ages of 13 and 16, and the 30 years he spent never revealing that or saying it out loud. And he also talked about a hotel room not so long ago, where his son had to come and find him.
What's truly remarkable is that Bradley doesn't tell any of this as a tragedy. He tells it almost like an audit, tracing exactly how the damage became the fuel, and then how the fuel nearly finished him.
Just one thing before we start this conversation. It contains discussion of the sexual abuse of children and of addiction. So please, listen with care. I'd like to welcome to High Performance Sir Bradley Wiggins.

**Jake Humphrey** (2:07)
So much has been said about you, written about you, spoken about you over the past few years. I don't think we've heard your voice often enough. So I'd love to start with finding out how are you today?

**Bradley Wiggins** (2:19)
I'm actually honestly in the best place I've been for 44 years of my life. And that's largely down to the fact that I've been to the other end of the world, you know, and I've been in dark places at times for various reasons.
I've experienced extreme highs with my success and other aspects of my life. But I've also experienced, like most of us, the other end of the spectrum.
And I always put that down to the success at times. I think I always blamed the success, you know, but I realize now it was multifactual and there was many other things that contributed to that. And I've spent the last five years really sorting that out in my head. And I'm in a better place for it now. I finally took responsibility for my own life. And I'm not in a sort of position now where I'm playing the blame game. I think like most of us, when you're trying to work these things out, you know, you spend a lot of the time putting it down to various reasons as to why you're like the way you are. But at some point, you know, you've got to take responsibility for your own life and accept that that's ultimately what makes you the person you are today. So, yeah.

**Damian Hughes** (3:20)
So what was the catalyst for taking the responsibility?

**Bradley Wiggins** (3:23)
What was the catalyst? I mean, there was some really extreme moments. I was in a very dark place, in a very dark room for many days.
And it was a hotel. And my son, actually, was the one who kind of intervened and kind of really made me realize, I think, recognize the self-destructive mode I was in and the damage I was doing to myself, you know? And there was a lot of reasons for that, you know? And I think where I'm at now, I look back, there always seemed to be something that was causing me issues and giving me a reason to not be happy. And there was always something on the horizon.
But I've realized now that there's never going to be a sort of clear path. There's always going to be something that's happening. And these things, you know, I was one of them people that wallowed a little bit in self-pity, particularly after my career. Why has it always happened to me? Why is this? There's always something that's coming up. And I realized that these things only become interrelated if you let them affect your behavior, you know? Because one thing knocks on to the next. And I was one of them people, you know, a drink and et cetera. And then I'd be late for something or not turn up to something. And so they become interrelated then because I let them affect my behavior. But part of, you know, part of taking responsibility to my own life now is I've pulled myself right back in. I realized, you know, we're born into a struggle and it's what you make with that struggle this life. And I wasn't there. And I refused to accept therapy, you know? I was like, no therapist is going to be ever educated enough to understand what's going on in my head.