BORN DEPENDENT ON HEROIN, REJECTED FOR BEING TRANS: How Paralysis Made My Life Better

Bea (0:00)

It's okay for my natural dad to get me on heroin, but it's not okay for me to be clean and be trans and live authentically. So I was literally a newborn baby that was a heroin addict. It's our secret. I only do this with you, it's our special bond.

There may have been a little bit of something to do with it when I tried to stab a social worker, but I was eight. I, I, I, wanked. I was eight. One day I'll wake up and there'll be a fairy come along and I'll be a girl. If you're going to carry on this nonsense, you can pack your bags and get out and you're dead to me.

I smoked and I felt really good. And they said that's because there's crack in there. So I took crack without knowing it.

Lucy Hodgkinson (0:42)

How old were you?

Bea (0:43)

Fourteen.

But then we've got a problem of the state knife and the tick where I'm holding the state knife and it goes up to my neck. Oh, wow.

Lucy Hodgkinson (0:53)

Ooh.

Bea (0:55)

So yeah, threats can be dangerous. That's pretty horrific. Your dad allowing you to take heroin, in fact, teaching you how to do it. Yeah. Teaching us to chase a dragon. That's me being crowned.

Lucy Hodgkinson (1:05)

Oh, wow.

Bea (1:06)

Look at you.

Lucy Hodgkinson (1:08)

Look amazing.

Bea (1:10)

I would rather die than carry on living here. Eight months of very, very, very heavy cocaine and MDMA use to mask the pain of sex working. I ended up with paraplegia, but there wasn't wanking. There were wanking, wanking.

Lucy Hodgkinson (1:29)

Fuck off.

Bea (1:30)

There wasn't like a defining moment. I have sensory issues. I don't like mud. I'm autistic. Like, no. And I got a cracking finish being carried over the finish line by paramedics because there was no one to carry me.

And I was like, I love this.

Hana (1:58)

Hello, and welcome to Becoming Lucy with me, Hana.

Lucy Hodgkinson (2:03)

And me, Lucy. So what if being completely honest about who you are cost you your family, your home, and even your job? Because for today's guest, that's exactly what happened.

Hana (2:16)

Yes, she spent the first nine years of her life in the care system, and at just eight years old, a seemingly ordinary conversation at school made her realize something about herself that she would go on to hide for years. And when she eventually stopped hiding, her life as she knew it fell apart.

Lucy Hodgkinson (2:34)

She lost her family, she lost her home, and she even lost her job. But that's only one part of this story because there was also years of addiction and a relationship with drugs that began in circumstances that involved her biological father.

Hana (2:49)

And just when you think you know where Bea's story is going, five years ago, her life changed again. She became paralyzed.

Lucy Hodgkinson (2:57)

Now, if we stop the introduction there, you probably think you knew what sort of conversation we were about to have.

You don't, because Bea told us something before coming on today that completely changed the way we looked at her story. And that's because becoming paralyzed made her life better. And today, we want to understand how someone can go through everything Bea has and generally mean that.

Hana (3:22)

Because the woman sitting with us today is eight years clean, throwing herself into adaptive sport, climbing mountains, dancing, performing balesque, and doing things she says she probably never would have done before becoming disabled. We're talking wheelchair basketball, pan archery, adaptive line dancing, mountain hiking.

Lucy Hodgkinson (3:42)

And also plenty of mud, which is actually where our connection, well, my connection to Bea comes into this story. But we'll get to that later.

Hana (3:53)

And before we do start, there is one thing that Bea wants listeners to know.

Bea has Tourette syndrome, which you may hear throughout our conversation today. And Bea, rather than us trying to explain what that means for you, I think it's probably better to first introduce you to Becoming Lucy, so welcome.

Bea (4:11)

Thank you.

Hana (4:13)

And now throw to you to tell us and our listeners what Tourette syndrome is and what we might hear through this conversation and what it means for you.

Bea (4:23)

So Tourette syndrome is a neurological development disorder. It's where misfiring signals and the basal ganglia in your brain create tics.

Tics can be physical or vocal and they never represent my true feelings or thoughts. So if I have a shoulder twitch, if I stick my middle finger up, if I blink, wink, or if I have something called coprolalia, which is where I shout explicit words, I'm not thinking about those words at the time. It's just something that comes out. So I've always said to people, if something's funny, feel free to laugh. As long as you're laughing with me and not at me, I'm okay with it.