Body Language Expert: The #1 Habit That Makes You Unforgettable | Vanessa Van Edwards

Michael Gervais (0:00)

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Vanessa Van Edwards (1:26)

We send thousands of social signals every day, and there are a couple of cues that I want to teach you that high performers do exceptionally well. The distance between your ear and your shoulder is a window into your confident soul. That's what I'm going to say. And here's why.

Michael Gervais (1:41)

What if the key to a deeper connection isn't in what you say, but in how your body speaks, listens, and moves?

Vanessa Van Edwards (1:49)

When people sit within 25 feet of a high performer, their own performance improves by 15 percent. And the second part, which is really important, is if you sit within 25 feet of a low performer, your performance decreases by 30 percent.

Michael Gervais (2:02)

Welcome back, or welcome to the Finding Mastery Podcast, where we dive into the minds of the world's greatest thinkers and doers. I am your host, Dr Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. The idea behind these conversations is simple, to sit with the extraordinaries, to really learn how they work from the inside out. Today's guest is Vanessa Van Edwards. She's a leading voice on body language, presence, and communication. She calls herself a recovering awkward person, and she's turned her social anxiety into a practical set of cues you can use anywhere, from a boardroom to a first date.

Vanessa Van Edwards (2:35)

Your eye contact in the first three seconds actually matters more to me than in a five-minute conversation.

Typically, powerful people make very specific eye contact patterns, and they signal to you their power and confidence with those eye contact patterns. So if you're processing and talking, you don't have to make eye contact. But then if I want to deliver at the very end, I can deliver right to you, and that feels so much more competent.

Michael Gervais (2:58)

In this conversation, we get tactical. How to break social autopilot with better first questions, why high performance is contagious, and how to practice social generosity, so others feel safe to be themselves.

Vanessa Van Edwards (3:10)

You need to be in the habit of breaking social autopilot. Do not ask, how are you? What's up? How's it going? Nope, social autopilot. Do not ask, where are you from? What do you do? Nope, and there's a question that I ask, and I'll ask it to you, and the answer to this question could change your life. You ready?

Michael Gervais (3:25)

So with that, let's jump into this week's conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards. Vanessa, what a treat to be able to sit with you. Thank you so much for coming to the Mastery Lab. Your work has caught fire and is changing people. And at one level, when I'm, I was so interested in what you had to say, and I was like, oh, yup, oh, that's good research. Oh, yup, that's good. Oh, my grandmother said that. Oh, yup, my grandfather said that. Like, there's this connection between things that I knew that were familiar, some research that you're pointing to to back it up, and then great storytelling on helping people just be a little bit more at home with themselves. And that is how we frame and think about excellence is the ability to be at home with yourself. So I think you have something really important to offer to that conversation. So thank you for being here.