Bad Haircut

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

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Theo Von (0:31)

All, fuck, I don't know how to, you ever just don't even know how to start the day, or a sentence, or a relationship, or anything? Does anybody else ever, do you have that? I don't know, just like, yeah, that's how, I'm just having that day. It's like, I don't know. Ah, okay, y'all, mm, just, yeah, I don't, yeah, so, so when you can't start something, it's kind of weird, you just kind of have to just like, it's almost like if you were watching a guy at a batting, in a baseball game, he's in the batter's box, and he just runs straight to second base, and people are like, okay, then that's how it's gonna begin. So, and that's how we're gonna begin today, guys, without a beginning. Because that's where we are. It is the year 2026 I got a bad haircut. Not sure if anybody can even tell, to be honest with you. I'll show it to you.

You can see it. It's just, you know, it looks Southern Amish is kind of, I think it has kind of a Southern Amish energy, which is, you know, yeah, it's like, oh, you, you know, you churn your own butter and you churn your own sister, don't you? It's just like, you know, I think it can be alarming to people. It's alarming to me. That was it. And I think some people are like, well, dude, your hair, you know, your hair generally looks like shit, and that's fine, you know? But it's like, I don't know, the guy cut it away that I didn't want it. And so, it just, you know, I'm okay if it looks like shit, if it's the way I want it to look like, if it's, as long as it's the way I want it to look like shit. You know, I'd said, and he was a nice guy, right? But I'd said, like, I'd want a half inch off, and the first thing he does is just rip two inches off of everywhere.

And if you're a guy like me who, you know, does, is, is an overall familiar with a lot of inches, you notice when you suddenly lose two of them bitches, dude. And so I was just like, I was in New York City, and, you know, it's a time where I was going to be out and about and walking around and, like, yeah, I just got into, like, just haircut shame, dude, and frustration. I felt like even the birds wouldn't look at me. Do you ever have like that? I mean, it's like even the fucking birds won't even like even a stream, like if we're walking through a park, even the stream kind of flows the other way. It just like that's the effect it had on me. I just like. I'm OK if I look like shit. It just I want to look like the type of shit that I want to look like. And it fricking piss me off. It fricking piss me off, dude. And I don't get that angry much, but it piss me off. And I just wanted to honestly, I just wanted to pull my wiener off and and just fucking just hum it into a into a crowd of people. Just fucking skip that bitch. You know how people skip it across a lake? I just wanted to just skip that bitch right off the top of a crowd. Just bing, bing, bing, bing. Just hit a fucking bunch of people, even hit a fucking guy in a wheelchair or whatever. I don't give a shit. That's how I was feeling, dude. I don't care if it hits a fucking woman or a Native American. I don't care. I don't care. Or just somebody with braids, let's just say that then. But I just, I don't know. It just like, I don't know. Now I'm feeling upset that I'm upset, but.

So I, but for like a week, I was just dealing with like haircut shame, you know? And sometimes when I get angry, I wish my because like all my like my angst, it just somehow it in there's this feeling. And I want to detach. It sounds crazy, but I want to detach my wiener and just hum that bitch out into a chorus or a crowd of people just singing in the street. And one of them just gets, they get clipped right in the jaw with it. They're like, what was that? I guess a D sharp bitch, okay? Get on tune, cuck.