Are We Doing Too Much for Our Kids?

Dr. Shefali (0:01)

Hey, everyone, welcome to a new episode of Parenting & You with me, Dr. Shefali. Today, I invited a renowned child development specialist, parenting expert. Her name is Dr. Sigi Cohen. She's known as the child whisperer. She's practical, she's wise, she's insightful. She has so many strategies. Just talking to her gave me a sense of calm. She's been helping thousands of families across the globe over the past 35 years. She's the creator of a method called the emotional behavioral proficiency method, which helps parents decode behavior, navigate transitions, and build stronger connections with their children. You are going to get so much out of this conversation.

Joining me now is a renowned child development specialist, parenting expert, Dr. Sigi Cohen. She's been known as the child whisperer.

If you go to her Instagram page, you will see fantastic videos that are so practical, that are so strategic, so smart. She's the proud mother of three grown sons. So we're going to talk about raising boys and how she sees the current climate around children today. Welcome to my podcast, Sigi. I'm so happy that we finally connected. And now you're here with us to share your wisdom.

Dr. Sigi Cohen (1:24)

Thank you so much. And I'm honored as well to meet you and to be here. So this is for us to delve into what's going on together, because I think we're very much aligned.

Dr. Shefali (1:35)

We're very much aligned. You know, I've written these two books, Raising Conscious Daughters, Raising Conscious Sons. And I want to talk about boys first. You've raised three grown sons.

What are you seeing is the biggest delta, the biggest difference between when you were raising your sons and what's going on today?

Dr. Sigi Cohen (1:53)

Right. So maybe it's not just in particular for sons, but definitely what I see overall, and then maybe we can kind of like see what is specific to sons and boys.

But the overall trend today is what I call over-parenting. Everything is over the top, but the over-parenting and specifically is, I see parents today that are definitely conscious, well-informed, knowledgeable, present, and very much well-intended with trying to do everything for their children. And all that everything is over the top too much. So parents over-talk and over-explain and over-lecture and over-fix and over-accommodate and over-understand, and even over-validate and over-emphasize. And what it results in is, or the idea that we see from it and what children are sensing is that they are helpless. And everything should be given to them. Talk about privilege, right?

And privilege is not what you have. Privilege is actually what you are told you can and cannot do, and what you're given as opposed to what you are doing and getting yourself, right? Privilege is everything that is given to you. So what we want is to come back to balance. So the over parenting today, boys and girls, is that we are creating some sense of helplessness, lack of coping skills, very weak and fragile resilience, right? And a lot of anxiety. Yeah, I do think there's confusion for boys on who they are, their identity, what they can and cannot say, do, how much they're supposed to write. It used to be very definitive, very clear, it's not anymore. So we have to raise strong, capable, resilient humans.

Dr. Shefali (4:06)

Yes, yes.

Dr. Sigi Cohen (4:07)

And I think that's the goal nowadays. It's not how much you give them, it's not all the places you take them to, it's not all the things you buy them, it's not how well they do on every test and every extracurricular, it's who they are because that is what will set them apart and this is what will set them on to be more successful and wholesome.

Dr. Shefali (4:33)

Yeah, let's talk about over-parenting. I like that you just zoned in on the thing that you think is a lynchpin, is a real target zone. So it's so easy to over-parent now because we can just, with a swipe of the finger, just do things so fast that we don't realize we're taking away their own initiative, their own way of thinking, and then we actually create the fragility, right? We don't realize that too much of this indulgence, I like that you said we're trying to understand them too much. We're trying to talk too much. And I feel a little responsible in my conscious parenting movement because in 2007 when I started teaching conscious parenting, at that time we were doing so little of understanding, so little of validating. So I think that that movement went too far the other way now, and parents have become so careful and they treat their children so precious that now the children begin thinking that they are precious and that they will fall apart with the slightest breeze.