A Woman’s Guide To Attracting Women - Blaine Anderson - #815

**Chris Williamson** (0:00)
Hello friends, welcome back to the show. My guest today is Blaine Anderson. She's a dating coach, a speaker and a YouTuber. Blaine has coached tens of thousands of men to be more confident and attractive to women. And today we get to go through her biggest tips for how to find, attract and keep a great woman. Expect to learn the way that women actually want to be approached, how to overcome approach anxiety, the most important factors for designing the perfect online dating profile, the best strategies to text women well, what are the biggest red flags to watch out for on a first date, whether it's okay to approach women in the gym, the traits women actually care about in men, and much more. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Blaine Anderson. How do you describe what you do?

**Blaine Anderson** (1:07)
I am a dating coach for men. So I help men build confidence, learn to authentically market themselves, create chemistry, flirt, and generally attract quality women they are excited about.

**Chris Williamson** (1:20)
How many times a day do you hear the sentence, why would I ask a fish about how to fish?

**Blaine Anderson** (1:25)
I tend to avoid my comment section on Instagram, so not very many.

**Chris Williamson** (1:29)
You know what I mean. There is a sort of a big trope on the internet of men saying women can't teach men about how to pick up women.

**Blaine Anderson** (1:35)
Yeah, and what I would say to that is, that's like saying women, a woman can't give good advice. I'm not saying I'm the only one qualified to give this advice, but me not having a Y chromosome doesn't disqualify me from being able to describe what women want. In fact, some might argue, including myself, it makes me more equipped to speak to that. Also, to be honest, the type of guy who says that isn't the type of guy I work with. That's not the type of guy who comes to me for my advice. And that's okay with me.

**Chris Williamson** (2:05)
It's probably somebody who generally isn't that open to looking to change themselves in any case.

**Blaine Anderson** (2:12)
Yeah, and they're usually generalizing here, more inclined to blame women for their problems or think the system is rigged and that women have it easy. And really, when I hear a guy say, women have it so much easier, that tells me that they really just don't have empathy for women. I'm not saying men have it harder or easier. Both are struggling.

**Chris Williamson** (2:31)
Yeah, but also, I suppose, if you're a guy who just from ground floor doesn't have any empathy for women, it probably is not fantastic for your dating prospects long term.

**Blaine Anderson** (2:42)
Absolutely. And I wouldn't be the right person to help them work through that.

**Chris Williamson** (2:48)
A lot of effort to get one date. Bumble app makes women's first move easier. In the end, it was the data that killed me, says Penny, about her decision to leave the dating app Bumble. If she opened the app, she might receive 100 likes, 25% of which she might be interested in. She would look at their profiles and write an individualized message. A few would respond, perhaps one would result in a date. That's a lot of effort to get one date, she says. It's exhausting. Bumble billed as the feminist Tinder when it launched in 2014 This week announced it was taking action to relieve the administrative burden on its female users. It has given them the option of firing off a short pre-written question to potential dates, rather than a carefully crafted missive after 70% of its female users said that they were becoming burned out.
While it is not ditching the requirement for women to make the first move, its female users can now send a template question, such as what book or film changed the way you think using the site's opening moves feature. What do you think about this?

**Blaine Anderson** (3:42)
I'm supportive of it, but I don't find it surprising. This really maps to the dynamics, male-female approach dynamics that we see in person, which is that the responsibility is on the man to approach and start the conversation with a woman.
It's not generally the woman who is the one needing to approach or start the conversation. But what I would say is, this woman who says she was writing carefully crafted messages is in the minority. As someone who has looked at thousands of bumble conversations, women generally send zero effort, one word responses like, hi, and then the onus would still fall on the man to then come up with a creative or interesting conversation and steer that towards a date. So I feel like previously, okay, women were starting the conversation, but in name only.