"A Little Bit Country" - Horror Hill

Erik Peabody (0:00)

Greetings, listeners, Erik Peabody here, and tonight, I'm bringing you a taste of Horror Hill's past with a special performance from the program's original host, Jason Hill. Before I took up residence here on the Hill, Jason gave voice to the nightmares that defined the show's earliest years. And if you enjoy what you hear tonight, I encourage you to venture back through the first few seasons of the program, where you'll find many more stories hosted and performed by the man who started it all. As for me, I'll be back myself with new Tales of Terror every Thursday.

Tonight's tale introduces us to a weary southern sinner who has spent an eternity wandering the caverns of hell. When he is unexpectedly pulled from his punishment and offered a position in the infernal bureaucracy, it appears that his fortunes have finally changed. His first assignment sends him back to Earth, into the body of a young girl believed to be possessed. But the rules of his new occupation are complicated, his handler is desperate, and the truth behind his supposed promotion is far more sinister than either of them is willing to admit.

From author Drew Stepek and performed by original Horror Hill host Jason Hill, this is A Little Bit Country.

Jason Hill (1:21)

I walked into that office and wiped some dirt and sweat off of my head with my arm. The office was as wide as a laundromat, with one desk and two chairs in front of it. A fat man in glasses with a pencil behind his ear stood up and started clapping his flabby old hands. He was sweating when his face was all red. I was sweating too so I didn't pay it no bother. He had long hair pulled back in a ponytail like a girl and one of them funny beards. I think people called him Landykes.

There he is. He shot across that room. I stopped dead in my tracks. It was the first voice I had heard since...

I can't remember nothing.

Since I'd been there, that's for damn sure. Well, the fat man badgered me. Are you going to close the fucking door and come in? Were you born in a barn?

I looked back outside the office as I gripped on that door handle. There was nothing but black behind me. I sniffed my nose and cracked my old neck. Jesus Christ, son! he hollered. We have a lot to get to!

I jiggled up the handle a bit and then closed it, as I was told. Oh, where am I? I asked him. Come on over here and take a seat. He pointed at one of them chairs in front of his desk. We have a lot to get through before I can send you out. I shuffled my dirty bare feet over toward him. Send me out where? I asked him. Am I going somewhere? He pointed at the chair in the left in front of his desk. You've been brought up to the big league, son! Didn't anyone brief you? He picked up his phone and pushed a flashing button. Philips! He howled. What the fuck is going on? He waited a second and then rolled them bulgy eyes of his. Didn't anyone educate number? He shuffled his hands around the stacks of papers on his desk and pulled out a folder. They opened it and dragged his finger down that page. Number 25-61623228-59723519.

I got him in the office now. Look at me and he doesn't know where he is. He covered the phone with his hand.

Fucking processing. Heads are going to roll, that's for sure. He pointed to that left seat again. Why don't you take a seat while I get your paperwork all situated? I'm just fine standing right here, I told him. He waved me away like a bumblebee and took his hand off that phone. What do you mean he hasn't been processed yet? Did he at least get his orientation? He covered up the phone again and asked, Did you have your orientation yet?

I didn't remember getting the orientation, so I said, I don't know.

He slapped himself on the forehead. Okay, Phillips, he don't know. Ask Thompson what I should do.

He pointedly pulled the phone away from his ear and pointed to it. Hold music. Oh, it's just the worst. He rocked back in that chair of his and put his arms behind his fat old head. His armpits were drenched like he just got sprayed with a garden hose. He pulled that phone back to his ear and listened. He let out a big gust of wind and pulled out that pencil from behind his ear. He started writing stuff on that phone door.