A High Achievers' Guide To Happiness - Dr Benjamin Hardy - #397

**Chris Williamson** (0:00)
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show. My guest today is Dr. Benjamin Hardy. He's an organizational psychologist and an author. Many high achievers are unhappy because this same motivation, which drives exceptional performance, often also leads to feelings of insufficiency, jealousy and comparison. So how can driven people reframe their worldview to come from a place of gratitude and happiness whilst still keeping that competitive edge? Expect to learn how comparing your performance to your potential is a recipe for disaster. Why success without happiness is a pointless pursuit, Ben's best triggers for realizing when you've fallen into the gap, how to protect yourself against complacency when feeling happy with your performance, and much more. I think I first heard Ben talk about the gap and the gain, which is the concept whose new book is based around at the start of this year, and it's been in my head ever since then. This is one of those fundamental frameshift concepts that everybody that is a driven individual needs to get into your arsenal. If you are the sort of person that sometimes feels dissatisfied no matter how much you achieve, this is a must have in the toolkit of mental models that you've got, and the book is 160 pages. So if you want to pick that up, it is linked in the show notes below, and I highly, highly recommend it. Also, if you want to join the conversation with me and everybody else that listens to the show, you can right now by going to modernwisdom.locals.com, and you can support the show through that as well. So if you want to help the show grow, then you can do modernwisdom.locals.com. But now it's time for the wise and wonderful Dr. Benjamin Hardy.
Benjamin Hardy, welcome to the show.

**Benjamin Hardy** (2:06)
Yes, Chris, always, happy to be with you.

**Chris Williamson** (2:09)
Welcome back, man, it's been a while.

**Benjamin Hardy** (2:11)
Yeah, it's been, I think it must have been during the pandemic because, you know, yeah, it was during the pandemic, so we're not, you know, it hasn't been that long.

**Chris Williamson** (2:21)
Yeah, I know, yeah, we still haven't ventured out outside of a pandemic since we've been mates, but first, one of the things that you talk about a lot is to do with high achievers and performing goals and managing to achieve stuff. Why do you think it is that most high achievers are quite unhappy?

**Benjamin Hardy** (2:38)
It's the hedonic treadmill that we talk about. So basically, and this is kind of a Dan Sullivan concept of the gap and the gain, but the gap is where you're measuring yourself against your ideals and your ideals are like the horizon in the desert. So you're, it doesn't matter how many steps you're taking towards the horizon, the horizon keeps moving with you. And so it doesn't matter how successful you are compared to your former self. If you're always measuring yourself against the horizon in front of you, you're always going to feel like trash. And so that's what we would call the gap, is you're always measuring yourself against where you wish you were and you then devalue where you currently are. When where you currently are is fundamentally enormously further along than your former self. You may be living beyond the dreams of your former self, but if you're always measuring yourself against that moving horizon, then you're always feeling like you're behind the eight ball. And that's what high achievers do. It doesn't matter what they've accomplished. They're always measuring themselves against where they wish they were and then therefore devaluing where they currently are.

**Chris Williamson** (3:34)
Yeah, you say that happiness can be a burden. What do you mean by that?

**Benjamin Hardy** (3:38)
Well, happiness is a burden if you think you have to go get it. So if you think, I have to go and accomplish this thing in order to become happy, I need to be a millionaire. I need to have that book published. I need that New York. If you feel like you need to go out and get happiness, then you make it a burden for yourself. You know, happiness is not something you pursue. Happiness is not something you chase. It's not something outside of yourself. That's actually one of the fundamental realities is it's not outside of you. If you're actually chasing happiness outside of you, it's because you've got some emptiness inside of you that you're trying to fill with external accomplishment and you're never gonna actually be able to find it. Like it's an endless chase to nowhere because the hole is inside of you. It's not outside of you.