959. - Chris & Jason

**Chris Black** (0:00)
All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you?

**Jason Stewart** (0:13)
We don't really talk about a lot of international, global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

**Chris Black** (0:26)
All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube.
How Long Gone, I'm ready if you are. Chris Black, it's the worst day of the year in New York if you live downtown. And-

**Jason Stewart** (0:56)
Chris, don't say that about Juneteenth. I think it's a pretty good holiday.

**Chris Black** (0:59)
I would never say that. I'm in the, this morning, I had to-

**Jason Stewart** (1:04)
You're in the splash zone, brother man.

**Chris Black** (1:06)
I had to reroute myself on the way to the gym because of the crowds for the Knicks. And I just wanna say that if you were a grown adult that takes the day off of work to go to a parade, you need to have some things checked out. That it's honestly, it's really like it's like five guys in a Honda Civic that drove in from Long Island that took the day off and are drinking at 7 a.m. and smoking weed wearing a jersey. It's really the darkest shit I've ever seen.

**Jason Stewart** (1:35)
Is there a parade where it's like, unless the parade is like we won World War III or you know?

**Chris Black** (1:41)
No, no parade unless you.

**Jason Stewart** (1:42)
AIDS is eradicated. No, there's no parade at all.

**Chris Black** (1:46)
No parade, what's the point of the parade? Parade, all the parade does is inconvenience the residents of the place and brings in bridge and tunnellers to day drink at eight in the morning. Like what else? Like literally, like the celebration was Saturday night when they won. Like let's be real, like they won on a Saturday night and you guys were all out till the sun rose doing fucking ketamine, that's enough.

**Jason Stewart** (2:08)
We spent all week cleaning up all the piss and vomit in the streets and now we're going to undo all of that work.

**Chris Black** (2:14)
I think maybe if you have a kid that really wants to go, but even then you should teach them young that parades are stupid.

**Jason Stewart** (2:20)
Maybe what if there was like, we were talking about how Mayor Eric Adams, rest in peace, he, the best thing he did for the city was the congestion pricing. What if they do parade congestion pricing where at the bridge, they check your papers, Secret Service style, and if you're not from the city, Manhattan, we're going to tax you. $37.99, the cost of a Mitchell and Ness snapback.

**Chris Black** (2:46)
I think that's, yeah, exactly. Whatever, we're going to go to Modell's and price out the snapbacks and base the pricing on snapbacks. No, I mean, it's honestly, it really is just like, all right, this fucks everybody's day up. People are just wasted. The traffic is terrible.
I don't really know, like, what do you, I just really, honestly, I really don't understand. I'm not trying to be an asshole.

**Jason Stewart** (3:09)
Have you ever been to a parade that you enjoyed, even as a child, you know, Fourth of July, a little mini goat ride or something like that? And you ever ride a goat?

**Chris Black** (3:16)
I don't remember ever going to a parade, real talk. And maybe that's just because I was raised right and my parents also don't like crowds and idiots, but I don't know that to be true. But I just-

**Jason Stewart** (3:26)
Okay, do you like watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on TV from the comfort of your own home?

**Chris Black** (3:31)
No, disgusting, loser shit.
Watching a parade on TV is the only, the bigger, that's the only thing that tops going as loser shit. Like, think about this-

**Jason Stewart** (3:41)
Sometimes I like to watch the Rose Bowl parade on New Year's morning, little hangover creeping in, hot cup of Joe in the hand.

**Chris Black** (3:47)
There's just always something better to do. Like, I just don't, I guess parades are often, parades are often celebrating things that I'm not concerning myself with. You know what I mean?