956. - Chris & Jason

**Chris Black** (0:00)
All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you?

**Jason Stewart** (0:13)
We don't really talk about a lot of international, global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

**Chris Black** (0:26)
All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube.
How Long Gone, it is Chris Black. It is a beautiful, beautiful Thursday afternoon here in East Hampton, Jason. The sun is still shining. It's humid as hell today. You know, I was at the pool earlier. I can literally see Alex floating while reading a book right now.

**Jason Stewart** (1:05)
And she deserves it.

**Chris Black** (1:06)
She does deserve it much more than me. That's why I'm in this room with my new PlaySchool recording device on the blower with them jeans.

**Jason Stewart** (1:15)
Yeah, I had to get Chris, one of those kid-proof recorders to make sure he didn't mess it up. A lot of buttons were removed, just one big button.

**Chris Black** (1:22)
Just one big button. It's like, honestly, it looks like something that would come in a McDonald's Happy Meal.
It's kind of the vibe. It's the free gift with a McDonald's Happy Meal.

**Jason Stewart** (1:33)
Damn, okay, my first Fruity Loops user.

**Chris Black** (1:36)
Yeah, what is it? FP Studio, that's what you told me they call it now?

**Jason Stewart** (1:40)
FL Studio.

**Chris Black** (1:41)
FL, I'm sorry, of course, FL, yeah, makes more sense. Yeah, that's the actual word.

**Jason Stewart** (1:45)
Yeah, they're like, lose the Fruity, it's cleaner.

**Chris Black** (1:48)
We're so good.

**Jason Stewart** (1:49)
Yeah, shout out to Fruity Loops, all of our FL Studio users.
Yeah, so you're still out there in the country. I spent the last few days in a different country where you're able to access easily from Burbank Airport. And just a quick 80-minute bop over to Utah. And I got to do some Utah stuff, which is basically have food that has a lot of sugar in it is sort of the general vibe in Utah.

**Chris Black** (2:18)
I'm starting to think that with the Mormons, maybe it would be dangerous if we gave them drugs and alcohol because after all these years, their aggressions are so pent up. Once they get jacked up on a fucking swig, maybe that's all they can handle. Imagine if a Mormon did a bump, it could be a seismic shift in the culture of the church.

**Jason Stewart** (2:36)
Imagine if a Mormon did a bump, they would kill their pet, like whatever. They have a golden retriever named Ollie, and they would be crying while they killed it, and they wouldn't know why they did it. I think right now we're seeing that play out in real life with our friend Benson Boone. He's lashing out.
He hasn't done a bump yet, but he's seen a bump, and now I think he only wears dresses and then films himself.

**Chris Black** (3:03)
Benson, did you do any? No, no, I just looked at it. I just looked at it, I swear.

**Jason Stewart** (3:07)
Like he said, if he actually did do it, he would do a backflip off the Golden Gate Bridge to his demise, and he'd be screaming the whole time, he'd be loving it. Finally, I can be released from my dark angel.

**Chris Black** (3:19)
Look, all he has to do is fuck a guy and he'll be fine. That's really what it, you know what I mean?

**Jason Stewart** (3:24)
So do it.

**Chris Black** (3:25)
Do it. Well, I will say, you know, I have to say, do it pussy. As far as guys in dresses, he looked good. Let's keep it a whole buck. Let's keep it a whole buck, because his rig is tight. Like, let's be real, Benson Boone, you can look at it.

**Jason Stewart** (3:37)
Come on, bro.

**Chris Black** (3:39)
His music isn't great, his mustache annoys me, but there's no denying his tight rig. And you can, Jason, come on, you have eyes. Admit the truth.

**Jason Stewart** (3:47)
Okay, yeah. Does he keep a tight package? Yeah, of course. Do I want to see an address? No.
Does a dress made for a woman accentuate his features? Not at all. I don't want to see him wearing a Dakota Fanning dress. He ain't got the ass, he ain't got the titties, he doesn't have the torso for it.