9 Lessons that stay with you in RETIREMENT!

Maureen Dobranski (0:00)

Recently, I came across a post called Nine Life Lessons from an 80-year-old. Now, I don't know who originally wrote those lessons or whether they actually came from one particular 80-year-old, but as I read through the list, I realized something. Those words sound very different once you've lived long enough to understand them. When we're young, advice about peace, health, time, regrets even, can really sound like a collection of just sayings. But as we get older, those words really begin to mean something. They mean memories. They mean decisions we've made, experiences that we've had. We understand really now what it costs to spend years seeking approval from someone else, maybe. We know that time moves faster than we expected, and we've learned some of the things we once worried about really weren't as important as they seemed. So in today's video, I'm going to talk all about that. I'm Maureen Dobronski. This is Life Starts at Retirement. I produce a retirement lifestyle video every Saturday at Noonish. Today, I want to share these life lessons with you, not because we have to agree with every word, but because each one gives us something worth thinking about. And these life lessons aren't necessarily just about retirement, but as we age, I think these life lessons get more and more important. So as you listen, I'd love for you to decide which life lesson you really needed to hear today and mark it in the comments. So life lesson number one. No one is thinking about you as much as you imagine. So live for peace, not approval. I spent so many years worrying about what other people thought about me. Seriously, I would worry about, do they like my clothes? What do they think about my new hair? I just got a haircut, by the way. What about the way our marriage is, our appearances, our parenting, our finances, even how we retire? It's crazy how much time I spent, and most women, I'm going to say, spend worrying about what other people think about you. But the truth is, most people are probably far too busy with their own lives to spend much time judging you. And even when someone maybe does have an opinion, they don't have to live with the consequences of the choices that they want us to make. And for me, anyhow, one of the greatest freedoms of getting older was actually realizing that I no longer need everyone's approval. I really don't need anybody's approval but my own. And it doesn't mean that I'm mean or inconsiderate. It just means instead of asking myself, what will people think, I ask myself, does this choice bring health, honesty, or peace into my life? That's it. And if it does, I'll do it. If it doesn't, I spent enough years worrying about other people. You are allowed to live a life that feels right for you.

Lesson number two.

This 80-year-old, words it this way, anger weakens you. Silence and distance can hold real power. But what I've taken that to mean is not every battle deserves your energy. So I don't think it means we should stay silent all the time and let people run all over us. But if something genuinely needs to be said, then you need to say it. Healthy relationships require honesty and really, truly serious problems shouldn't be ignored. But having said that, not every single solitary comment needs a rebuttal to it. Not every disagreement needs a winner. Not every one is entitled to unlimited access to your time, your energy, and again, your peace. And I think women again, more so, sometimes we replay an argument so many times, long, long, long after the other person has forgotten it, we go over it and over it and over it and relive it in our minds. Meanwhile, whoever else was in that conversation is carried on with their day and forgotten all about it. So there's strength in saying, I'm not going to carry this anymore.

Sometimes that just means forgiveness. Sometimes it means a boundary. And sometimes it simply means walking away from an argument that really and truly will never produce understanding. So peace isn't always achieved by having the final word. Sometimes peace is the final word.

Lesson number three is choose a kind heart, not simply a beautiful face. So I think that probably was written more about marriage than anything, but I do think it applies to every relationship. And I'm going to reword it just a touch again. Choose kindness over appearance. For example, sometimes someone's really, really, you know, charming and funny, and sometimes they're successful, and sometimes their attention or their appearance can catch our attention. But over the course of a lifetime, over the course of any of our relationships, kindness is what really makes the relationship safe. Like kindness would be the person who would sit beside you in a hospital waiting room. It's the friend who would call you when you've gone quiet. It's the spouse who sees you on your worst day and still treats you with tenderness rather than with impatience. As we get older, we really understand that character eventually becomes more visible than appearance. Your appearance or mine is fading. And this lesson asks something of us too. Are we becoming the kind of person we hope to have beside us? Do the people we love experience kindness when they are around us? Because really and truly, beauty changes, circumstances change, but a kind heart becomes more valuable every single passing year.