568. Advice for Dealing with Bullies, Big Tech and Social Media | Answer the Call

**Mikhaila Peterson** (0:00)
You got bullied, right? You talked all the time.

**Dr. Jordan B. Peterson** (0:01)
Everybody gets bullied.

**Mikhaila Peterson** (0:02)
But some people are bullied more than others.

**John** (0:04)
My son Anthony is overweight. His friends used to tease him and ridicule him.

**Victoria** (0:10)
Our eight-year-old son has been called fat by a few friends. How can we as parents encourage a healthy lifestyle, knowing when or if to focus on weight?

**Dr. Jordan B. Peterson** (0:18)
The situation that you're both facing at the moment is not optimal by any stretch of the imagination.

**Victoria** (0:25)
My husband and I are parents to two young adult ladies. When we're asked for guidance about dating, we feel like the generation gap right now is more like a generation chasm.

**Diego** (0:36)
How can parents raise children to value depth in an age dominated by short-form content?

**Dr. Jordan B. Peterson** (0:42)
Well, there's an insanely difficult question. During Answer The Call, I take questions from people just like you from around the world about their problems, opportunities, challenges, or if they simply need advice. My daughter, Mikhaila, guides the conversations as we hopefully help people navigate their lives. Alright, fire away.

**Mikhaila Peterson** (1:12)
Over the next hour, we're gonna hit on two topics, bullying and technology, which often go hand in hand. So the first guy we have is John in Arizona.

**Dr. Jordan B. Peterson** (1:22)
Hey, John.

**John** (1:24)
Good afternoon, Dr. Peterson. I'm John, I'm in Northern Arizona, and thank you for having us today.

**Dr. Jordan B. Peterson** (1:30)
It's my pleasure. I'm very interested to hear your question.

**John** (1:34)
Yes, my son Anthony is overweight, and he's approaching morbid obesity. This all started when we lived in Utah. As he gained more and more weight, his friends used to tease him and ridicule him. It was pretty horrible. He took the rejection very hard. So my question is, how do you repair this kind of damage? He's 21, approaching 22, stays in his room most of the time, lost in video games and that kind of technology. It's kind of like living with a heroin addict.
I get as sick as he does trying to steer him and control him. And I just feel lost as a parent and I don't know how to heal him. I don't know how to heal me. I don't know how to heal us. So.

**Dr. Jordan B. Peterson** (2:24)
Yeah, okay. Well, the first thing I feel compelled to say is that, and this isn't exactly the psychological issue, is that, you know, my family, my daughter, in particular, Mikhaila, has battled with health problems, very serious health problems, their whole life. And one of the things that we've discovered that's very strange and odd, but that has been verified now by thousands of people, is that a carnivore diet will strip weight off people so fast that it's absolutely beyond comprehension. And so, I would feel remiss in my obligations if I didn't lay that out as a potential practical solution. And you know, that's a long term issue. I guess what I would say more on the forgetting about diet on the practical side, although there are obviously health concerns as well as social concerns that are relevant here, I would say, what is it that you, I would want to find out what you envision for your son and what he envisions. Like, we know that the situation that you're both facing at the moment is not optimal by any stretch of the imagination.
You guys need a joint plan that you agree on, on what would be better. And I, like people, human beings by their nature are visionary creatures. As we lay out a structure that we wish to make real in the future and we move towards that. Otherwise, we're the puppets of our surrounding or the victims of forces that are beyond our control. Vision is the alternative to manipulation and subjugation. Vision is the alternative to slavery and tyranny. Your son is not living a life that is sustainable and productive, no doubt by his own account and certainly by yours as an interested and concerned parent.
It would be helpful to help him develop a plan for where he wants to be in five years and for you, for him to help you understand what would be best for him from you. You know, because I can imagine his attitude is something like, get off my back, dad, and leave me alone. And you know, fair enough, he's got health problems, he's got social problems, he's isolated. And you can understand that his attitude could well be, don't bug me. However, things are not going in a good direction. And so your conundrum is, well, you have to, what are you going to do? Ignore it and let things deteriorate across time? That's not helpful. And so you guys are in a position where you need to develop a plan and it needs to be one that you're both on board with. And that's going to take some very difficult discussion to convince him. I guess I would start with questions, you know? And because questions rather than statements are a much more effective way to suggest and intervene. But they have to be non-manipulative, you know? They have to be genuine questions. So if your son came and saw me, I would say like, first of all, well, how are you reacting to your current circumstances? And then you want to listen. It's like, well, this is problematic and this is problematic, but it's like I'm defending myself by hiding and I don't know what else to do about that. You need to lay out the territory. And then you have to ask, well, if this could be rectified, what would a rectification look like? You know, do you want friends? Do you want an intimate relationship? How are you going to pursue your future goals? Do you have any future goals? What do you see as the solution to this? How, as a father, you could ask him as well, how do you want me to conduct myself when I see that you're ensconced in a world of misery in a manner that's going to make the future worse than the present? If I love you, I can't ignore that, but I don't want to torture you to death and add to your misery. So what do you want from me, given your understanding as well, that I can't just stand by and watch you go to hell in a handbasket.