229: Stop Asking "Why Don't They Want Me?"

SPEAKER_1 (0:01)

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Sabrina Zohar (0:56)

Why don't they want me? Why do I keep doing this? Why didn't they choose me? Why don't they call me?

You're asking the wrong questions here. Because it's not really about the why. It's about so much more. I used to ask myself all the time, like, why am I like this? What is wrong with me? Will anybody ever love me? And I wasn't really understanding that the questions I was asking were leading me further into a hole that I couldn't get myself out of. It's so funny. I saw somebody on threads the other day say, the avoidant is why I have anxious attachment style. And I said, no, baby, you're with the avoidant because of your anxious attachment style, right? Like I can pin that back. And I think what we automatically do is we give away our power by trying to understand the why behind everything. What we're saying is, I'm so uncomfortable with what I'm feeling. I need to understand what everybody else is doing because our brain, remember, is a predictive machine. Your brain is here to keep you safe. It is not here to help you grow, which is why your brain and your mind are two separate things. Your brain is the chunk of fucking meatball in your head, as Dr. Chris Lee always says, the spicy meatball in your head, and your mind are the thoughts and the things that we do to challenge, but we can't just rely on our brain. And you guys had asked quite a few questions, and I started to notice the theme. Now again, if you guys want to ask questions, it's the Instagram at The Sabrina Zohar Show. I do a question box. Or you can write in to inthetrenchesatsebrinazohar.com.

Send them to me. That way we can make our episodes even juicier and meatier, and I can meet you guys where you're at. And I want to preface that we are going to be expanding. We are not just going to be talking about dating and relationships every fucking time because there's so much more to life. So I'm so excited to expand with you guys. But something that I saw was a lot of why questions. Why do I severely put partners on a pedestal despite years of therapy? Why am I so defensive in every situation and apologize for even nothing? Why can't I let go of hope with someone who likes me but won't choose me? What do you notice, right? Why do I keep choosing the wrong ones, even though a part of them cared and still left? A lot of my babes are stuck in intellectualizing instead of feeling. There were so many of why this, why this, why this. But you know what I'd rather used her to ask? Where did I learn this from?

What am I scared of happening?

What does this mean about me? I'll never forget when my ex and I broke up, the biggie in the book that I wrote. Would you know it before I get into that?

SPEAKER_4 (3:13)

Hello, hello, hello.

Sabrina Zohar (3:15)

And welcome to another episode of The Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. We're four days.

We are four fucking days away from this baby being in your hands, being in your mailbox, being sent to you October 13th. Now is the time. You've got four days left to preorder this book. Help me get that motherfucking New York Times list. And I get it. Some of you guys are like, why does the list matter? It does. It matters so heavily to someone like me who is getting disowned for writing this book. It matters to get my name out there, to have credibility. I'm not licensed as a therapist. I don't have letters before and after my name. And so getting this, it would literally mean the world. So please, you get a free course and workbook at sabrinazohar.com/book when you preorder. And by the time you guys listen to this, you would have already come to see me in London, and you're going to see me in San Diego October 27th. But I'm so grateful and excited, you guys. I can't believe it. I've been writing this book for two and a half years. So it's pretty crazy. And we're changing some stuff. So I won't be working one-on-one as much with folks. I will be changing a lot. We're starting an entire new course. We have Sabrina AI coming, so that you guys can stop asking fucking chat GBT bullshit and start to at least ask something that I am monitoring and that I'm in control of. And I'm just excited to grow the community because you guys are the reason I get up every day. I know that sounds really dark, but it's true. I don't know where I'd be right now. I thought about that the other day. Where would I be if I wasn't in this position? And I genuinely don't know. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't meet Ryan. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't take the risk on myself and start creating content. And I don't know what I would have done if I didn't find myself with you guys. So thank you. Don't forget to rate and review the show. If you are new here, please subscribe so that you don't miss an episode. And that way we can keep this gravy train running and comment, leave a review anywhere you're listening. They help more than you will ever know. And share it with a friend, put it in your Facebook groups. It helps so much. All right, babe. So like I was saying, when I was in the midst of my breakup, and that's the biggie breakup, we have the what my three biggest heartbreaks taught me episode. It was in like the 190s. And then the big breakup I talk about in the book. And this whole episode, we're really talking about like, why am I like this? I'm not giving away a ton from the book. I'm actually going to talk about some new studies and things that I've learned since I wrote this.