#2158 - Harland Williams

Jamie (0:06)

Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

Joe Rogan (0:13)

I think I've known you for 30 years. You know how crazy that is?

Harland Williams (0:16)

31

Joe Rogan (0:17)

Is it really?

Jamie (0:17)

Yeah.

Harland Williams (0:18)

Wow. I remember the day we met. Baskin Robbins on Melrose.

Joe Rogan (0:21)

Really?

Harland Williams (0:22)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (0:23)

Did we meet at Baskin Robbins?

Harland Williams (0:24)

Baskin Robbins. I got one of those memories, like the girl from Taxi.

Joe Rogan (0:28)

Oh, do you really?

Harland Williams (0:29)

We got a mint chocolate chip, double scoop, and I had peanut butter and chocolate.

Joe Rogan (0:33)

I think you're making this up.

Harland Williams (0:35)

Well.

Joe Rogan (0:35)

I think you're making this up. He's making this up.

Harland Williams (0:38)

Let's see how this goes. Yeah.

Joe Rogan (0:39)

As soon as he was saying he's got a memory like the lady from Taxi, I was like...

Harland Williams (0:43)

And I couldn't even remember her name.

Joe Rogan (0:50)

That lady's got a crazy memory.

Harland Williams (0:51)

She does.

Joe Rogan (0:52)

She can tell you like dates in 1972, what day it was.

Harland Williams (0:56)

Dude, I bumped into her at a sushi joint once, and she reenacted the day I lost my virginity. It's unbelievable.

She remembered it.

Joe Rogan (1:04)

How does she know? You think she's an alien?

Harland Williams (1:06)

No, it was her. Oh, really?

She popped my cherry.

Joe Rogan (1:09)

She was hot back in the day.

Harland Williams (1:10)

She drove my taxi. Ooh. Yeah.

Joe Rogan (1:14)

She acted as your depot.

Harland Williams (1:15)

Wait, what's her name? Mary Lou Retina?

Joe Rogan (1:18)

No. What is it? It's close.

Harland Williams (1:20)

Mary Lou Iris?

Joe Rogan (1:22)

Cornea.

Harland Williams (1:23)

Cornea. Mary Lou Cornea.

Joe Rogan (1:25)

Where was her name?

Jamie (1:26)

Retton? No, that's the gymnast. She's the gymnast.

Joe Rogan (1:29)

That's the gymnast. What was her name?

Jamie (1:31)

Is it Marlee Matlin?

Harland Williams (1:34)

That's the deaf chick.

Joe Rogan (1:35)

Yeah. That's the one that everybody had to pretend was really good at acting.

Harland Williams (1:39)

But she did win an Oscar, didn't she?

Jamie (1:42)

Mary Lou Henner.

Harland Williams (1:44)

Oh, she did the tampon commercials.

Joe Rogan (1:47)

Did she?

Harland Williams (1:48)

Yeah. And who better to do them than a Tumblr?

Joe Rogan (1:52)

They get guys to do them now.

Jamie (1:53)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (1:54)

It's a new world.

Jamie (1:55)

Yeah.

Harland Williams (1:55)

Yeah. There she is.

Joe Rogan (1:58)

Back in the day when she was on taxi, she was hot. But you can't ever lie to her.

Harland Williams (2:04)

Yeah. She knows everything.

Joe Rogan (2:05)

You didn't. You're like, I didn't say that. Like, not only did you say that, you were wearing this.

Harland Williams (2:11)

Yeah. She just knows it all.

Joe Rogan (2:13)

Yeah.

Harland Williams (2:14)

Unbelievable.

Joe Rogan (2:15)

That's probably a real issue in relationships.

Yeah. You can never argue with her about who is right. She remembers it.

Harland Williams (2:21)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (2:22)

100%. You got a foggy ass bullshit, normal human. How good is your memory?

My memory is not that good.

Harland Williams (2:29)

Maybe she's an elephant.

Joe Rogan (2:30)

I don't think their memory is that good.

Harland Williams (2:33)

They say they are.

Joe Rogan (2:35)

Yeah, but like shit that you would remember, too.

Harland Williams (2:38)

Right. Like, how often do you watch one of those nature shows and you see, like, elephants wandering around aimlessly, and you know they're looking for their car because they can't remember where they park.

Idiots.

Joe Rogan (2:50)

Imagine if elephants could drive. That would be a real problem. How big would their fucking car be? How big would their roads have to be? Wow.

If anybody else, any other animals, started developing electronics, I think we'd just kill them.

Harland Williams (3:02)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (3:02)

Like, what the fuck are you doing over there? Like, we wouldn't be cool with chimps fastening their own weapons if they started making guns.

If chimps start smelting iron, like, figure out ballistics, you see chimps on the range.

Harland Williams (3:13)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (3:14)

Like, hey, hey, hey, only us.

Harland Williams (3:16)

Yeah. Well, isn't that what Planet of the Apes is all about?

Joe Rogan (3:20)

Similar.

Harland Williams (3:20)

They evolved to the point where...

Joe Rogan (3:22)

Wasn't the new one like experiments? Wasn't it like some kind of experiments?

Like, they would do... Like, back in the day, it was like a time machine thing. Like they went, right? Like the really old ones.