2038: The Hidden Cost of Being "Too Much"

Farnoosh Torabi (0:00)

Hey friends, if you've been sitting on a book idea and wondering could this actually become something, this is your moment. Join me in New York City on October 9th for Book to Brand. This is my intimate full-day immersive designed to help you turn your idea into a clear, compelling, pitch-ready book concept. You will meet the insiders, agents, publishers, and recent authors who can help bring your book to life. Spots are limited and early-bird tickets are on sale now. Head to booktobrand.co to reserve your spot. So Money episode 2038, The Hidden Cost of Being Too Much with Denise Soler Cox.

I was speaking at Fortune 500 companies all over the world, and that came crashing down.

In my case, it came crashing down slowly, so it wasn't like overnight I lost $200,000 in business. It actually was about 10, 15, $20,000 at a time over the course of about a year, year and a half. And so I chose to share about that in the book. It was not my plan. I didn't actually want anyone to know because also taboo, taboo in my culture to share about money at all, and definitely share about, not share about any struggles having to do with money. Welcome to So Money, everyone. I'm Farnoosh Torabi. How much of what you want for life is actually yours? And how much of it has been negotiated around one very powerful question? What will they say? What will your family say if you make more money? If you become too successful? If you leave the safe job, start the business, move away, ask for more, speak up, or simply decide you want something different? My guest today, Denise Soler Cox, has spent years thinking about this, particularly through the experience of high-achieving Latinas who can find themselves caught between two competing messages. You're not enough, but also don't become too much.

Denise is a filmmaker, speaker, and now the author of What Will They Say? Confront Cultural Taboos and Discover Your Inner Power. We talk about the cultural scripts that can make ambition feel almost like betrayal. Why being taught not to ask too many questions can eventually affect everything from your career to your relationship with money. Why so many women are financially self-taught. And Denise gets remarkably candid about her own finances, including what happened when a thriving speaking business tied to corporate diversity initiatives began disappearing tens of thousands of dollars at a time. We also discuss being a breadwinner, taking up space, reclaiming your name and identity, and perhaps most importantly, learning to trust yourself after years of being taught to look outside yourself for permission. Here's Denise Soler Cox.

Denise Soler Cox, welcome to So Money. Congratulations on your book, What Will They Say? Confront cultural taboos and discover your inner power. I can't wait to learn from you. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you so much for having me. I've been a big fan for a long time, so I'm so excited to be here. I'm so honored that you would say that because you were super duper accomplished, documentarian, author. I guess like all good stories, we got to go to the beginning.

Westchester, where you were raised, and this is sort of maybe in hindsight, obviously, you were able to realize just what role that time in your life played for you and the influence. But talk about being a little Latina girl growing up in a very white neighborhood in New York, I understand this is where the Americanization of your name came up, you're the daughter of immigrants or first generation.

So daughter? Yeah. My mother's from Puerto Rico, my father is the son of an immigrant. You have these two cultural forces at play. Am I American? Am I Puerto Rican? Yeah. Where was your father from? He was Puerto Rican and Cuban. And Cuban. Yes. So take us to that four-year-old, and what would you want her to understand then that maybe she didn't get? All those years ago. I would tell the four-year-old, your life is going to be very interesting and don't forget your creative side, because I felt a lot of my childhood was so focused on making good on the promise of coming here and making the sacrifices and all the things that immigrant parents do to make sure that their kids' lives are better than theirs, and that all the things that they left behind were not for not. Right. And so I had this infused in me to achieve and had always been creative, had always loved storytelling, but never really understood how to make that a career. And I had an idea to make a film when I was 26, but it took me 17 years to actually make it real. And so I would tell the four-year-old, please don't wait so damn long.