2003: Investing in Your Tween: Navigating Phones, Friendships and Big Feelings

**Farnoosh Torabi** (0:00)
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**SPEAKER_2** (0:38)
You're listening to So Money with award-winning money guru Farnoosh Torabi. Each day, get a 30-minute dose of financial inspiration from the world's top business minds, authors, influencers, and from Farnoosh yourself.
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**Bridget KerMorris** (1:05)
When I work with parents about money, I talk about getting clear on your values, and that I would think, Farnoosh, you and I are probably very aligned with that because it's so important. People have different financial goals, and something that I worry about a bit is that kids these days, too, it's like they're going to concerts so early. That was something I did when I was 20 and it was a big deal.
There's so much excitement now that being able to delay gratification really is not happening. And with that also is parents, it's exhausting to be asked every day because, and especially for neurodivergent kids, they will ask over and over again. And with neurodivergent kids, there's also the dopamine component of if they're feeling down, a new thing does give a boost and it's a social thing. So I think parents really are having to navigate this the best they can.

**Farnoosh Torabi** (1:54)
Welcome back to So Money, everybody. Glad you're here. Today we're talking about money and parenting. One of the best parenting advice I ever received came when I was pregnant with my first kid. A friend who had already raised teenagers said to me, Farnoosh, work really hard while your kids are young, little, build your career, save aggressively, invest your money, create as much financial flexibility as you can because when your kids turn 10, 11, 12, 13, they're probably not going to need you to tie their shoes or cut up their food anymore. They're going to need something much harder. They're going to need your presence, your patience, your emotional availability.
That advice has stayed with me for more than a decade. And now that my son is 12 and my daughter is entering those tween years, I finally understand what she meant. These are the years when our kids start pulling away, but they still desperately need us. They're navigating friendships, bullying, identity, social media, first phones, expensive wands, and all kinds of emotions they don't yet have the words to explain. And as parents, we're trying to figure out how to show up for them without pushing them away.
Today's guest is someone I wish I'd found years ago. Bridget KerMorris is a Stanford-trained attorney turned relationship therapist. She's the creator of the Steady Plus Connected Parenting Framework and the mom of seven, including her fourth middle schooler. She's helped more than 100,000 parents navigate these often overlooked years and has become one of the leading voices on middle school parenting. This conversation honestly felt like therapy for me. We talk about why middle school may be the most important window for strengthening your relationship with your child. What they most need to hear from us, how to navigate bullying, phones, friendships, and even the financial pressures that show up during these years, from allowances and technology to expensive sneakers and the constant pressure to fit in. And be sure to check out Bridget's terrific new podcast, Middle Years with Bridget KerMorris, where she answers real questions from parents raising tweens. Here we go.
Bridget KerMorris, welcome to So Money. It's great to finally meet you. I'm such a fan.

**Bridget KerMorris** (4:06)
Farnoosh, I am thrilled to be here. Thank you for asking me on the show. This is awesome.

**Farnoosh Torabi** (4:10)
I mean, it is very self-indulgent of me to have you on So Money on this topic. I am in it. I have a 12-year-old and a 9-year-old, who I guess is technically a tween. She's entering the middle years. I don't know, depending on how you, I guess 11 is when tweens really start, but she is like nine going on, 29 So before we get into all of it, let's talk about your background. I find your career journey really, really fascinating. You started out as an attorney, I believe. Yeah. Then you became a therapist and now you are known as this middle school parenting coach.