#1952 - Michael Malice

Michael Malice (0:04)

The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan (0:09)

Hey, Michael Malice, how are you, my friend?

Michael Malice (0:14)

I am doing outstanding.

Joe Rogan (0:16)

Always good to see you.

Michael Malice (0:17)

No one's ever said that to me before. I love you.

Joe Rogan (0:21)

No one's ever said that either. I think I've said it. I think I've said it. You know I love you.

What's in the box, man? What's in the box?

Michael Malice (0:28)

So, Alfred Hitchcock, great film director.

Joe Rogan (0:31)

Love Alfred Hitchcock's movies.

Michael Malice (0:32)

Made this comment about the difference between surprise and suspense, right?

Joe Rogan (0:37)

Yes.

Michael Malice (0:37)

So, surprise is a bomb goes off, there's five seconds of surprise, people are like, okay, what happened? Suspense is when the audience knows something that the characters don't. So you have Cary Grant drinking tea with his girlfriend and there's a bomb under the table and for ten minutes they're just perfectly calm and there's a bomb.

So you are a lot nicer to your audience than I am, which is probably why you're a lot more popular than I am. So can we wait like a five minutes before we show us in the box?

Joe Rogan (1:04)

Sure, we can wait an hour.

Michael Malice (1:07)

We have a fun surprise.

Joe Rogan (1:08)

We got all day.

Michael Malice (1:10)

This is from one of the many friends I've met here in Austin and every opportunity I have to talk about how much I love Austin I will absolutely fucking take. I am so giddy to be here. I will tell you this story, a couple of my friends just came to visit. I have known them since high school, Andrea and Annette. They reminded me of this story that they had done when they were in their 30s, old enough to know better.

There is a city in Ohio called Twinsburg. Have you heard of this? No. Twinsburg every year has twin parades.

You can go when you are twins and march in the parades and hang out with other twins. Andrea and Annette, who are unrelated and don't look alike at all, decided, you know what we are going to do? We are going to just go and pass off as identical twins, even though you can go there as fraternal twins. There may have been some fake birth certificates involved. I can't say that for legal reasons.

Joe Rogan (2:05)

Do you have to show birth certificates to get in the parade?

Michael Malice (2:07)

If you are going to march as identical twins and register as them, you have to show birth certificates. Now mind you, they could have gone for free, but they decided to pay the money to go as identical twins, so they got the same haircuts, dressed the same, they took part in medical research, so if you still have cancer, it's because of them, and they ended up marching in the identical twin parade with all the black people for some reason.

So, it's just…

Joe Rogan (2:34)

What does it have to do with the box?

Michael Malice (2:36)

It's just, these are just friends of mine who are just here visiting Austin. This box is, what's in the box is made from some other people that I was friends here in Austin. And the point being, everyone's coming through here just week after week.

I want to give you an update. Bridget Phetasy is closed in her house.

Joe Rogan (2:51)

Yeah, she's a good friend of mine.

Michael Malice (2:52)

Yeah, and mine too. Her husband, Jaren, is going to be staying with me in two weeks while he checks out the updates. So, it's… Deborah So is going to be here visiting in May.

Joe Rogan (2:59)

Oh, is she really?

Michael Malice (3:00)

Yes.

Joe Rogan (3:00)

She's escaped from Canada?

Michael Malice (3:01)

She's escaping from Canada.

Joe Rogan (3:02)

Did they let her come over here?

Michael Malice (3:04)

And she'll be able to be here in May.

Joe Rogan (3:06)

So right now, you can't fly in unless you're vaccinated, correct?

Michael Malice (3:09)

I think America is the only country where that is the situation.

Joe Rogan (3:13)

Protecting us, Michael. Keeping us protected.

Michael Malice (3:17)

It's legal to come here if you have COVID, but not if you're not vaccinated.

Joe Rogan (3:22)

Well, that makes sense.

Michael Malice (3:23)

Yeah. It's just absolutely crazy. But May 11th, people will be able to come here and absolutely visit.

Joe Rogan (3:28)

Thank God they're waiting until May because it's March.

Michael Malice (3:31)

They postponed it, too.

Joe Rogan (3:32)