#1834 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

Shane Gillis (0:16)

You guys should take a break.

Mark Normand (0:18)

We won't trash you while you're gone.

Ari Shaffir (0:20)

I might take a ______.

Mark Normand (0:21)

Are we ready?

Ari Shaffir (0:23)

Oh, that wasn't on?

Shane Gillis (0:24)

That was the opening, man.

Mark Normand (0:26)

That was gold.

Joe Rogan (0:28)

Was that what you were recording when I said that?

Mark Normand (0:29)

Yeah, but I don't know where the camera was on.

Joe Rogan (0:34)

That's fine. I'm just telling you, if I leave in the middle of the podcast, I'm like, oops, be right back, boys.

Mark Normand (0:39)

You did it.

Ari Shaffir (0:39)

I shard my pants in the pool yesterday.

Joe Rogan (0:41)

I just want to let everybody know that I... Did you?

Mark Normand (0:42)

Yeah. It was ugly?

Ari Shaffir (0:44)

No, right next to it.

Mark Normand (0:45)

What? Where was this?

Joe Rogan (0:50)

Hotel?

Ari Shaffir (0:50)

Yeah.

Mark Normand (0:51)

Four Seasons?

Joe Rogan (0:52)

Oh, no. That's not a good place to shard.

Mark Normand (0:55)

Actually, it was great.

Joe Rogan (0:55)

That's a respectable establishment.

Mark Normand (1:00)

You let it wash itself out.

Joe Rogan (1:02)

He gave it a quick wipe.

Mark Normand (1:03)

It's a giant bidet.

Joe Rogan (1:04)

He gave it a quick wipe.

Ari Shaffir (1:05)

I had that tight underwear. It kept it all in. Then once I got the sheath, the sheath underwear, it kept it all in.

Joe Rogan (1:10)

Is this number three or four? Protect Our Parks.

Mark Normand (1:13)

Four.

Joe Rogan (1:13)

Four?

Mark Normand (1:14)

Four.

Joe Rogan (1:14)

Gentlemen, come on. We're fucking rolling here. We're rolling here, boys.

Here's to problems, because they're coming. Oh, that's strong.

Mark Normand (1:30)

All right, I'm keeping track. You guys always give me shit about not drinking enough.

Shane Gillis (1:34)

You don't get fucked up at all on this, dude.

Mark Normand (1:35)

This is one cup of buffalo drink.

Joe Rogan (1:37)

You've been partying with the Kreischer. Both of you have been partying with the Kreischer.

Ari Shaffir (1:43)

He's about to go.

Mark Normand (1:44)

I've done it in the past, but I'm going next week on the fully loaded.

Joe Rogan (1:46)

Your mustache seems like you're losing hair here.

Shane Gillis (1:49)

It's the reverse hit. That's how not racist I am.

Mark Normand (1:53)

He hiles like this. He goes down.

Joe Rogan (1:59)

What is going on with this?

Shane Gillis (2:00)

Did you do that on purpose?

Ari Shaffir (2:03)

Don't worry about this.

Mark Normand (2:04)

It's very Asian. He should be sitting on a box peeling something.

Joe Rogan (2:09)

It's like John Wayne when he played Genghis Khan.

Ari Shaffir (2:12)

Oh, that was great. That's the closest they get to Asians.

Joe Rogan (2:16)

I'll tell you what, I'm on a roll on the way to Beijing.

Have you ever seen John Wayne play Genghis Khan? They didn't even try.

Shane Gillis (2:23)

He's just a white dude.

Ari Shaffir (2:26)

He's like, I'm Genghis Khan.

Mark Normand (2:27)

There's a couple. Andy Rooney, was it? He did the Breakfast at Tiffany's.

All that shit. Yeah, it was bad. They didn't use Asians, so they just had Whitey do the voice.

Joe Rogan (2:39)

What about the guy who played the detective, that old school detective that was a white guy who played a Chinese detective? Do you remember that one, Jamie, what that was called?

Mark Normand (2:50)

Oh, Mickey Rooney, not Andy.

Look at that. That was the best picture.

Joe Rogan (2:56)

Charlie Chan.

Do you guys remember Charlie Chan? Charlie Chan was like in the 1950s, I think it was. There was a guy who played the smartest detective, and it was a white guy who played, there it is, a completely white guy who they fucked with his eyes and made him look Chinese.

Mark Normand (3:14)

Whoa.

That's fucked up. Yeah, they used to do that. But where are you at on the trans? You know, you can't play a trans person now, unless you're trans, which seems weird.

Ari Shaffir (3:26)

You can get a fucking pass if you suck a dick.

Joe Rogan (3:29)

That's all you got to do? A lot of trans women still have sex with women.

Mark Normand (3:38)

That's true.

Joe Rogan (3:39)

And they keep their dicks.

Ari Shaffir (3:40)

They're lesbos.

Joe Rogan (3:42)

Which I recommend you keep your dick.

Mark Normand (3:43)

Yes.

Joe Rogan (3:45)

I've been paying attention to the operations.

I went down a rabbit hole because I had a guest who had a friend who had an operation and it was a disaster. They transitioned and then she started explaining to me all the issues that happened with it, including growing hair inside, because they tuck inside and then you grow hair inside.