"18 Years Studying Heartbreak" How to Spot a Dangerous Man & STILL Stay Open to Love | Matt Hussey PT 2

**SPEAKER_1** (0:01)
Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:08)
My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana to a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast.
An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may I apply.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:31)
Welcome back to part two of Women of Impact. In part one, not do freaking sideways and buckle up because part two is where we do the real deep work. We look at our patterns dead in the damn eye. We question the stories that we tell ourselves. And now, now we dig in to what you do after the breakup. When you're grieving the loss of what you thought would be. When you're wrestling potentially with loneliness or feeling like your heart will never heal. But the truth is, ladies, ladies, ladies, heartbreak doesn't just happen to you. It can actually start to define you. Oh my god, that's so hard to say, but it's so true.
Unless you decide no damn more.
Guys, the stakes in part two are even higher because it's not just about living. It's about actually reconnecting with the world, with your life, with your worth and with the shot at real healthy love. So in part two, we're gonna go raw on the exact cycle that keeps smart women stuck in heartbreak and why your brain keeps pulling you back in the same pain. Once you understand what's happening, then you can actually take action.
Then we go into how to tell the damn difference between real healing and just distracting yourself before you actually waste another year thinking that you're healing, thinking that you're doing better, and only to find yourself triggered and back to where you are. Guys, this whole show, the reason why you come to Women of Impact is to learn the lessons and grow and evolve. That's exactly what Matt Hussey lays out right here. We then talk about the four non-negotiable signs of a healthy partner. Green flags are just as important as red flags, and that's why you have to make sure that you stay for this part so you can see why consistency and progression actually matter way more than chemistry. We break it down to stay tuned. Now, if you're ready to just stop playing small after someone has left you shattered, then lean in because this one is for you. Let's get into it right here on Women of Impact.
The next one you say to a word type of heartbreak is the on and off relationship.

**Matthew Hussey** (2:38)
The on and off relationship is like, Audrey's favorite example of this is Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big from Sex in the City.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (2:44)
I love it so much, I'm so on point.

**Matthew Hussey** (2:48)
I wasn't a Sex in the City guy, but these will they, won't they stories in our own life. Which in TV shows and movies often get rewarded somehow.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (3:00)
Yes, because you want to see them get together. It's the Ross and Rachel effect. So in Friends, apparently, viewership plummeted when Ross and Rachel got together.

**Matthew Hussey** (3:08)
Interesting. That's interesting. I talk about it as the one-day wager. The one-day wager is the idea that I'm going to wager my life, my time, my energy, my heart on the idea of what this could be one day, even though it's not showing signs of being that today. The one-day wager is a really bad bet. Because you can't get that time back. Listen, this isn't just like you do it for a couple of months. Some people do. It's like they'll be on and off with someone for a year or two.
I work with people who are now in their 50s, 60s, who have been in these will-they-won't-they stories with people for the last 20 years.
You know, oh, they're still married, but they're not really with their partner. You know, their relationship doesn't have anything anymore. There's no romance, there's nothing. Him and I have this amazing love story. And one day, you know, like there's this idea, but it's been going on.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (4:05)
Even with infidelity?

**Matthew Hussey** (4:07)
Yeah, even with infidelity. It's like one day it's all going to work out. But the problem is we get into these stories and we get deeper and deeper and deeper. Sunk cost fallacy becomes a part of it. We now feel like we're so deep and we've entertained and nurtured this story for so long.
If I admitted now that this is a waste of my time, then I'm having to admit that there may have been 20 years of wasted time and that feels too big for a lot of people. Of course, the reason people get so heartbroken in these situations partly is because of this intermittent reinforcement where that person goes away and comes back and goes away. But you always find a way back together. That's the story you take from it. No matter what happens, me and this woman, me and this man, we always find a way back to each other. That's the story. So now, the inconsistency feels like destiny. We're just supposed to be because somehow we always come back together. Instead of looking at it like, this is a relationship that should have ended a long time ago.