#1452 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Joe Rogan (0:03)

Gregory, how are you holding up?

Greg Fitzsimmons (0:05)

I am holding it up. Although, not as much as I would like to be holding it up. I think that's a lot, people are talking about all the different constraints of this pandemic.

Masturbation has gone by the wayside for a lot of people. If you live in a two-bedroom apartment and you got two kids, you know.

Joe Rogan (0:26)

You're gonna have to jerk off while you're shitting. That's the only time you have.

Greg Fitzsimmons (0:36)

That's a lot of toilet paper you're wasting.

Joe Rogan (0:38)

Bring your phone in there with you. Set up some new porn on the ledge.

Greg Fitzsimmons (0:43)

Yeah, right.

And you got to land it just right. You got to let it squirt and then come down between your legs into the water.

Joe Rogan (0:49)

You got to point down. You got to hurt yourself.

Greg Fitzsimmons (0:52)

You got to go overhand.

Joe Rogan (0:53)

Yeah, like you're going deep into third gear.

Greg Fitzsimmons (0:57)

I got to hearst.

Joe Rogan (1:00)

Hearst.

Greg Fitzsimmons (1:03)

Yeah, that's the thing is like, and I've never been a shower guy. And especially now that I'm 50, I'll be 54 on Wednesday.

No, I meant for jerking off. I remember jerking off in the bath once and it just floated.

Joe Rogan (1:22)

It's fucking egg drop soup.

Greg Fitzsimmons (1:23)

It's terrible. Who ordered egg drop jism?

Joe Rogan (1:29)

It's fucking floating. And cooking, right?

Greg Fitzsimmons (1:35)

I remember once, I was at my brother-in-law's apartment in New York, lives in New York City, and we played midnight hockey in Central Park. He played in this league, and you go out, it was fucking February. We went out, it was like 20 degrees out, and we played hockey for an hour and a half in Central Park. You know, they have rinks out there, the Woolman Rink.

And we come back, and I was out of shape, but this guy's like a hockey fanatic, so I wanted to do it. So I come back, and I was like, I gotta take a bath. So I go into the bath, and they're fucking slobs. Three brothers living together in an apartment. So I go in the bathroom, and I fill it up. I get in, and I'm laying there, and I'm fucking chilling out. I'm like, oh, this feels so good. And then I see this egg drop soup, and I realize they all jerk off in the shower.

I fucking showered for 45 minutes.

Joe Rogan (2:37)

It's so weird that we're more terrified of jizz than virtually any other body part. If I had a choice between a guy jizzing on my pants or peeing on my pants, I'd say peeing all day.

Greg Fitzsimmons (2:50)

Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan (2:51)

Right?

Greg Fitzsimmons (2:51)

Absolutely.

Joe Rogan (2:52)

But isn't that hilarious? Isn't that weird? It's like we've decided that one fluid coming out of the dick is associated with pleasure, male pleasure, dirty men trying to cum.

It's like to have that on you is like he got you. That guy got you with his seed.

Greg Fitzsimmons (3:12)

He owns you.

Joe Rogan (3:14)

Pee, you're just an idiot. Why are you peeing on me, man?

Greg Fitzsimmons (3:18)

Yeah, my friends have peed on me. It's happened. You know?

Joe Rogan (3:21)

If you're out in the woods.

Greg Fitzsimmons (3:23)

We were out in the woods and we were at a fort. We had this fort when we were teenagers. We were like 13 and we were already drinking and smoking a lot of pot when we were like 13 And we were in this fort and we all got shit faced. And then my friend just pulled his dick out and he started peeing on all of us.

And I remember having to go home that night and like my jeans were drenched in piss. It wasn't even mine. Of course, my mother thought it was me.

Joe Rogan (3:53)

That really is the difference between men and women. Girls don't go out and pee on each other, do they?

Greg Fitzsimmons (3:57)

No.

Joe Rogan (3:58)

They rarely go in the woods by themselves anyway.

Greg Fitzsimmons (4:00)

Right.

Joe Rogan (4:01)

Just a group of girls in the woods. That's a horror movie. You're not supposed to do that.

Greg Fitzsimmons (4:04)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (4:05)

A group of guys in the woods, that's normal shit.

Greg Fitzsimmons (4:07)

Right.

Joe Rogan (4:07)

A group of girls in the woods is like, what are you girls doing on here? Do you have a gun?