#1449 - Bryan Callen

Bryan Callen (0:01)

Yee-haw! Here we are. Are you a shooter? Well, dude, my ears are covered for the second time today. I'm just going to say that.

And I'm a, ask me that again, ask me if, what did you...

Joe Rogan (0:14)

Were you a shooter?

Bryan Callen (0:16)

I'm a tactical shooter, bro.

Joe Rogan (0:17)

Are you an operator?

Bryan Callen (0:17)

I'm a tactical shooter, bro. I'm a tactical shooter.

Joe Rogan (0:20)

So have you ever done, we went to Taran Tactical today, and Bryan Callen learned the ins and outs.

Bryan Callen (0:26)

Learned how to lean forward, had some Navy SEAL instruction as well.

Joe Rogan (0:29)

How to hold a pistol correctly.

Bryan Callen (0:31)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (0:32)

How'd you feel?

Bryan Callen (0:33)

I love it.

Joe Rogan (0:33)

Fun, right?

Bryan Callen (0:34)

I've been doing it in my head forever.

Joe Rogan (0:35)

Oh, in your head.

Bryan Callen (0:36)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (0:37)

That doesn't really work.

Bryan Callen (0:37)

I've rehearsed killing a gang many times. A whole gang? Sure. Lean in, kick, kick, kick.

And I go like this.

Joe Rogan (0:45)

Why don't you shoot them in the knee and rehabilitate them?

Bryan Callen (0:47)

Oh, that's such a good idea.

Because they don't have knee targets. If they had just a bunch of knees.

Joe Rogan (0:52)

But they have the little tiny targets on the ground. Which I don't like, because I'm like, what am I shooting, babies?

Bryan Callen (0:56)

I was going to say, they're the size of a toddler.

Joe Rogan (0:58)

Yeah, it's weird.

Bryan Callen (0:59)

I'm like, all right, so I got to kill the toddler with one shot.

Joe Rogan (1:01)

A kid with a missile.

Bryan Callen (1:03)

Yeah, I was pretty accurate with that. That's kind of sick.

But yeah, that's a good idea. I could either waste them or wing them.

Joe Rogan (1:11)

I wing them and then take them in and teach them to error their ways. And at the end, they'll be loyal to you.

Bryan Callen (1:16)

I toss them an herbal remedy, an herbal wrap.

Joe Rogan (1:21)

Like Steven Seagal had in that one movie where he's in a coma for like 10 years.

SPEAKER_3 (1:25)

Yes.

Joe Rogan (1:25)

And then he goes kicking everybody's ass a couple of days later.

Bryan Callen (1:28)

I don't care. Everybody says that shit was factual.

Joe Rogan (1:30)

Well, do you remember that movie?

Bryan Callen (1:31)

Very well.

Joe Rogan (1:32)

It's called The Bug of the Law.

Bryan Callen (1:33)

No, no, no.

Joe Rogan (1:34)

You're way out of line. No, Above the Law was the first movie. This was deep into his career.

Bryan Callen (1:39)

Kelly DeBrock is the nurse.

Joe Rogan (1:40)

Yeah. He already got fat by this time.

Bryan Callen (1:42)

Oh, he had.

Joe Rogan (1:43)

Yeah.

Bryan Callen (1:43)

That's where he ran terribly.

Joe Rogan (1:45)

He always runs terribly. But in the early movies, he was skinny. In Above the Law, he was skinny. But then by the time he got to this other movie where he's in a coma forever, like, look at his fingers moving, he's waking up, like awesome beard, wasn't too fat, wasn't too fat.

Bryan Callen (1:59)

He looks great there.

Joe Rogan (2:00)

But he'd already started to fill in his hair. And so then he was in a coma forever and then gets out of the coma, remember starts doing all sorts of Chinese herbs and shit to become a bad. I'll say he was pretty skinny back then.

Bryan Callen (2:14)

Yeah, he was.

Joe Rogan (2:15)

So this was early in the career.

Bryan Callen (2:17)

Yeah, he heals himself. I would throw them an herbal wrap and tell them how to wrap it and then say, training begins tomorrow at dawn.

Joe Rogan (2:28)

And then you wake them up.

Bryan Callen (2:30)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (2:30)

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Bryan Callen (2:32)

Fuck you. And I'd be on horseback for no reason. Really?

Joe Rogan (2:35)

You and horses. Why do you always...

Bryan Callen (2:37)

Because there's something very masculine.

Joe Rogan (2:38)

How many bits do you have when you're on a horse?

Bryan Callen (2:41)

It's my entire act.

It's my entire act. There are a couple of things I want to do before I die. One is to toss somebody an herbal wrap and say, training begins tomorrow, or be there tomorrow, and I want to rehabilitate at-risk youth. But they're like 20 And then I want to rear up on a horse. But I want to appear out of nowhere, rear up on a horse, and rescue a group of women in the wilderness.