#1409 - Joey Diaz

Joey Diaz (0:02)

You got that picture of that fucking monkey I sent you this morning for breakfast.

Joe Rogan (0:05)

What's that?

Joey Diaz (0:06)

Who sends you those type of pictures anymore?

Joe Rogan (0:08)

What? The picture you sent me? Yeah, for that girl's lovely private parts.

That's the best name for a vagina, monkey.

Joey Diaz (0:18)

I send them to everybody too. Presidents of corporations, cops, on Monday, happy Monday. You make that day, everybody's day is a lot better.

Start the day on the right foot.

Joe Rogan (0:29)

Especially presidents of corporations. You imagine if you had to work in a fucking office for your whole life, as old as we are now, if we were in an office since the time we were like 23, 24 years old, right out of school, just every day, button down, try not to say anything that's gonna get you in trouble, just trying to fucking make it to five o'clock and then immediately go to a bar and talk shit with your friends and then do it all over again on Monday.

Joey Diaz (0:54)

I time it so I know you're in a meeting.

I know that you're in a meeting with eight white dudes and they're real serious about numbers, it has to be, it has to be statistics, and all of a sudden your phone rings, you fucking open it up, it's a picture of a woman's vagina, and it breaks up the whole morning, you're like, thank God Joey Diaz exists because he understands what I'm going through. That's tough, that's tough, going to sales meetings. I used to go to sales meetings and they talk about, you know what the Anthony Robbins things?

Joe Rogan (1:23)

Did you?

Joey Diaz (1:24)

When I was a burglar, I went to Anthony Robbins things.

Joe Rogan (1:27)

Did you be a better burglar?

Joey Diaz (1:28)

No, and I ended up kidnapping a motherfucker.

I walked on the coals. I was all in with Anthony Robbins, you do know that. Really? Because I worked for a Subaru dealership, so Subaru paid for you to go to Anthony Robbins seminars. So they would give me like three bills for the day for per diem, I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminar.

Joe Rogan (1:49)

Dude, you should be a Subaru spokesperson. Who's more loyal to Subaru than you?

Joey Diaz (1:54)

Nobody.

Joe Rogan (1:54)

You fucking love Subarus.

Joey Diaz (1:56)

Love them.

Love them. I just can't not.

Joe Rogan (2:00)

Because you lived in Boulder.

Joey Diaz (2:01)

I lived in Aspen.

Joe Rogan (2:03)

Yes.

Joey Diaz (2:03)

And I saw vans, I saw every type of high level car spin around, and you just lose control. Did you ever lose control in Colorado?

Joe Rogan (2:14)

I didn't, but I did in Boston a bunch of times.

Joey Diaz (2:17)

It wasn't fun for her.

Joe Rogan (2:18)

It's not, whenever you're driving in snow, it's touch and go.

Joey Diaz (2:21)

Touch and go.

Joe Rogan (2:21)

You could get patches of ice.

Joey Diaz (2:23)

And in Colorado at night, you got a thing called black ice. And I remember being, I worked at the Crestwood, I was security, and I had to pick people up at the airport at night.

And I fucking did everything I could to get out of that job because one night I was in a van with people doing the speed limit, no alcohol, you know me, and I just hit black ice and the thing started spinning. And you don't know where you're gonna land.

Joe Rogan (2:48)

You have no idea. I was with McGuire once. Chris McGuire and I were on the way to the airport in Ohio, and we crossed over a bridge, and bridge is where you get it because there's no ground underneath it so things freeze quicker.

We went over this bridge and just weeeee. Just got lucky, nothing happened.

We both went, all right. You know, it stopped where we were facing the wrong way, but there was no one on the road because it was early. We were headed back to the airport and we just got back in line and just went, okay, I remember this, I remember this. Like all of a sudden you got no power.

Joey Diaz (3:16)

You know, I love German technology. I love the look of a lot of sport cars and everything like that, but when I, there's been nights, 10 years ago, I had a gig in Irvine and it was raining. One of those January in California, just coming down. I mean, you couldn't see in front of you and cars are pulled over and I'm doing 75 in the Subaru.