#1357 - Ari Shaffir

Joe Rogan (0:01)

Mm, Ari Shaffir, we're here, it's sober October. Hey, we had a lot of smoked cigars.

Ari Shaffir (0:06)

Yeah, we had a lot of smoked cigars.

Joe Rogan (0:08)

Let's smoke a cigar. Let's fucking bend the rules a little.

Ari Shaffir (0:10)

I have three in my trunk.

Joe Rogan (0:12)

I have two right here.

Yeah, these are good. I was smoking cigars with Burr on the show. People are gonna be mad at us.

SPEAKER_3 (0:19)

This is tobacco, you're using tobacco products, you're totally cheating.

Ari Shaffir (0:23)

Well, they can suck my cheese.

Joe Rogan (0:25)

Hmm, they can or it can?

Ari Shaffir (0:28)

They can suck my cheese with their fucking stupid rules. It's already hard enough.

Do you remember one time you weren't masturbating for a month? You remember that? Yeah. And all those people were like, yeah, but you're having sex, don't do it with sex. And you're like, dude, I'm not playing your game. I'm doing a thing for myself.

Joe Rogan (0:45)

Doing my game, yeah.

Ari Shaffir (0:47)

Everybody wants rules. I start working out, oh, what are you doing? I'll just bench, yo, dude, you gotta do legs or you're not doing anything. Can you give me two times?

Joe Rogan (0:55)

Yeah, well.

Ari Shaffir (0:57)

Are you doing Iso?

Joe Rogan (0:58)

Isn't that the problem, Joe, with just interacting with people online? There's always gonna be someone that's upset at you.

Ari Shaffir (1:04)

Yeah, mad at you for trying.

Joe Rogan (1:07)

For anything.

Ari Shaffir (1:08)

You'd rather I don't try.

Joe Rogan (1:09)

Anything, no matter what you're doing, there's someone pissed.

Ari Shaffir (1:12)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (1:12)

What are you gonna do?

Ari Shaffir (1:15)

It's such a crazy place, the internet.

Joe Rogan (1:17)

Oh, it's so crazy, and that's where we make our home. That's what's really crazy.

Ari Shaffir (1:20)

It really is nuts.

Joe Rogan (1:21)

Are you on that light phone now?

Ari Shaffir (1:23)

No, it hasn't come yet, it's coming at the end of October. I'm trying a regular phone this month.

Joe Rogan (1:28)

A regular phone?

Ari Shaffir (1:29)

Yeah, so I got a new number.

Joe Rogan (1:31)

Spark that.

Ari Shaffir (1:31)

Oh yeah.

Joe Rogan (1:32)

Like a cell phone?

Ari Shaffir (1:33)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (1:34)

Like a real cell phone, like a smartphone?

Ari Shaffir (1:36)

No, I got a new number due to a regular flip phone.

But the old number, I'm keeping it on on a smartphone. I'm seeing if I can handle it for a month.

Joe Rogan (1:44)

You can handle it.

Ari Shaffir (1:45)

I don't know, signs are not great already. It's the fucking being alone and just kind of flipping through, watching Walking Dead and then flipping double screens.

Joe Rogan (1:54)

My daughter has a phone now, but she has a little thing. My middle daughter, not like the older one. That'd be ridiculous.

But she has a screen limitation. She can only use the screen.

Ari Shaffir (2:07)

Could you turn it off?

Joe Rogan (2:08)

Can she?

Ari Shaffir (2:10)

It's not just on an alarm?

Joe Rogan (2:11)

No, she doesn't get to.

We do it. So she got an hour.

Ari Shaffir (2:14)

And then what happens after the hour?

Joe Rogan (2:16)

Stops working.

Ari Shaffir (2:17)

What stops working?

Joe Rogan (2:18)

Everything except phone calls. You can get phone calls in.

Ari Shaffir (2:20)

An hour of total use.

See, I need that, but I can't find anything like that. So how does she not be able to turn it off? Because you have the passwords for it.

Joe Rogan (2:28)

Yeah.

Ari Shaffir (2:29)

Oh, so I just gotta get some.

Joe Rogan (2:30)

Well, just don't give yourself the chance to do the passwords.

Ari Shaffir (2:33)

What do you mean?

Joe Rogan (2:34)

Just put it on an hour, and when the hour's on, over, just accept it in your head.

Ari Shaffir (2:38)

That's not gonna happen.

Jamie (2:39)

Wow.

Ari Shaffir (2:40)

That's crazy talk. Jamie, just play it through. That's crazy talk.

Jamie (2:43)

Doesn't work.

Joe Rogan (2:43)

I know.

Jamie (2:44)

An hour? Well, for a kid, maybe.

Ari Shaffir (2:45)

No matter what the time limit is, as soon as you see it, like, your time's up, you just go, oh, well, let me finish sending this one thing.

Joe Rogan (2:51)

I'm hoping that Bert and Tom both say that we cheated already, because we're smoking cigars and we're good.

Ari Shaffir (2:56)

Dude, the first year.

Joe Rogan (2:57)

I'll take everybody to dinner somewhere.