#1144 - Doug Stanhope

Joe Rogan (0:01)

Boom, we're live.

Doug Stanhope (0:02)

Here we go.

Joe Rogan (0:03)

Doug Stanhope smoking cigarettes.

Doug Stanhope (0:05)

I swore that, you know, I'm going to smoke outside this time. Last time, I stunk this place up so badly.

Joe Rogan (0:14)

It wasn't bad at all.

Doug Stanhope (0:15)

No, afterwards, because you kept saying, no, I get this whole system now, it's not like the old place.

Joe Rogan (0:21)

Well, it's definitely dissipating. It's definitely dissipating. I see the smoke getting sucked away.

Doug Stanhope (0:24)

But I remember at the end last time, yeah, that didn't work as good as I thought it was going to. You really reek this place up.

Joe Rogan (0:31)

Well, it's not perfect. You know, you're always going to get cigarettes, you know.

Douglas. Where do you get that jacket?

Doug Stanhope (0:38)

Sugar-free fucking creamer.

Joe Rogan (0:40)

Is that sugar-free?

Doug Stanhope (0:41)

Yeah, sugar-free.

Joe Rogan (0:43)

That can't be good for you.

Doug Stanhope (0:44)

Well, now I'm going to put a splash of whiskey in it just to hopefully kill the aspartame taste.

By the way, I occasionally say this on stage even when there's no joke, but when I'm just angry about it. Stevia is an artificial sweetener. And it's a big scam where there's no artificial sweeteners because you hate getting that fucking aspartame taste. But then they have stevia in it because it's natural and it still tastes like shit. So, you're thinking, oh, good, it's no artificial sweeteners. That means it's not, oh, it still tastes like shit, but it's natural shit.

Joe Rogan (1:28)

Have you ever had zevia soda?

Doug Stanhope (1:31)

No, but I'm assuming it's stevia.

Joe Rogan (1:32)

Yeah, but they nailed it. They figured it out. They really did. It's good.

Doug Stanhope (1:36)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (1:38)

It's not Dr. Pepper.

Doug Stanhope (1:39)

I'm skeptical.

Joe Rogan (1:40)

It should be.

You've been burned before. It's not Coca-Cola, but because it tastes lighter. I like it a lot, though. It's good. I don't think we have any here, do we?

Jamie (1:50)

No, we're out.

Joe Rogan (1:51)

We're out. We should get some.

But that's one of the stevia ones that's good. It's different. There's different stevia, too. Like this stuff's stevia right here.

Doug Stanhope (1:59)

Well, I just generally don't drink things that have sugar or need sugar. Like unsweetened iced tea is fantastic. Or if it's just juice, like with vodka.

I use vodka soda with just a tiny splash of either grapefruit or... So there's almost no sugar in it anyway. I don't drink fucking Coca-Cola. I'll put a splash in a whiskey, but tiny.

Where if I get fucking hammered on whiskey, I probably drank four ounces of Coke.

Joe Rogan (2:35)

So it's health benefits.

Doug Stanhope (2:37)

I just avoid just...

Joe Rogan (2:39)

Avoid sugar.

Doug Stanhope (2:40)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (2:40)

It fucks up your whiskey.

How's things in Bisbee? Are you the mayor yet?

Doug Stanhope (2:47)

No, we're trying to find someone to run. That would be the worst. It would be like doing cruise ship comedy.

The worst thing about cruise ship would be if you sucked, and then you have to be in the buffet line with everyone who saw you suck the whole week you're around people who saw you suck. That would be the mayor of Bisbee, where half the town hates you because you're not supporting whatever stupid fucking... And you have to see them at Safeway.

Joe Rogan (3:20)

Does your town have a split? Is there like a conservative side of your town and a liberal side of your town?

Doug Stanhope (3:25)

Yeah, that's what makes it work. But it's not usually...

Your usual dynamic of conservative and liberal. It's not we hate queers.

It's the plastic bag ban. Well, you can't tell us we can't have plastic bags, but they're bad for the environment. Well, I don't care, because I'm used to getting a plastic bag. Yeah, they split over just minutiae and silly shit that bothers you in a small town, and it's hilarious. 5,000.

Joe Rogan (3:59)

Jesus Christ, that's so little.

Doug Stanhope (4:02)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (4:03)

That's amazing.

Doug Stanhope (4:04)

Yeah, it's really good.

Joe Rogan (4:06)

Do they leave you alone? Do people still bother you? Do people show up at your house all the time?

Doug Stanhope (4:11)

Oh, yeah, but not people that live there.

Joe Rogan (4:13)

Oh, just people from out of town.

Doug Stanhope (4:15)

I mean, my friends that come by.

Joe Rogan (4:16)

Know who you are. That's weird too, right? They know they can go to Bisbee and they can meet Doug Stanhope, like this is the move.